Wrestling

There is this space in between my questions and doubts and the ways and the whens of God answering those that I have felt the reality of my life most clearly.  I feel like sometimes....no a lot of times....when we tell people the story of our last five years they start looking at us differently.  Not the different of like, horns coming out of our heads, but the different that makes people feel there is a separation between what we have been able to endure and what they feel they could never walk through.

Jacob wrestled with a man who was God.  And in that story the "man" came to a point in the match where he realized he could not overcome Jacob so he injured him, but still Jacob did not let go.  And he was adamant and demanding with God....

"I won't let go unless you bless me."

Asher does this to me a lot at night. He squeezes my neck and with all his might he makes me believe between his clenched teeth that he can't let go. He can't be alone. I HAVE to stay. I think in his spirit he is feeling much like Jacob in those moments....

"I won't let go unless you bless me."  

And of course, with Asher I'm much bigger than he is and stronger, but in his grip is not just his strength but it's his will which holds everything he believes. I see this as more of the picture of Jacob and God.  It's not that Jacob was stronger than God or any other man, necessarily.  It's that God knew Jacob's will, he knew his desires, and they mattered to God. God could have body-slammed Jacob and pried his fingers off his neck one by one....but he didn't.

Instead God blessed him, changed his identity and spared his life.

I receive this sentiment a lot..."I just don't know how you are handling all this so well."  And it is usually said as a statement not a question.  If I were to answer that "non-question", I guess I would say this...

I am wrestling with God. Asking Him the why questions. Speaking His word back to Him. Reminding Him that we delight in Him, love Him, want to honor Him. And like, Jacob and Asher, I just refuse to let go of Him....because the greatest truth I know is that He is a "good...good...Father" who blesses His children.  He reminds me that SHE is a sign of His blessing on our family. Something we didn't deserve....but something He gave.

So, when you are chosen to endure something that appears it will swallow you by its weight.....be like Jacob.

Wrestle and don't let go of Him.

Stand

We  just finished a 10 Day Daniel Fast which comes through The Maker's Diet Revolution. As we reflect on the last 10 days, Brandon and I keep asking each other.....how in the world did that just happen? He's a recovering sugar addict and I am the hangriest mama you've ever seen.

Monday, February 23rd we woke up and we walked right into something that we were not prepared to enter. I went to bed Sunday night with the passing comment, "Maybe we should fast and pray" and we woke up unified with clear direction.  What we did know is that we felt lost and overwhelmed and unable to make a decision about where to walk without fear and doubt ruling in our hearts.

 We needed peace.

 Clarity.
 Assurance.
 Hope.

And that is what found us this week.

In 2012, we attended an event for Legacy Brain Foundation and the keynote speaker was a 20 year survivor of glioblastoma (grade IV version of Brandon's original tumor).  His takeaway was something that we have held onto....he believed that he had been able to fight the disease for so long because his approach was what he termed the "cocktail approach".  This simply means that radiation and chemotherapy are not the only ways that he fought.  He tried various diets, supplements, doctors, research, etc and by combining different treatments he was able to stand in 2012 and give hope to a room full of fellow brain cancer fighters.

The cocktail approach.

This was all we knew.  That this next season for Brandon would consist of many different elements. But in the midst of figuring out WHAT goes into the cocktail is where people can find their heads spinning.  We did not want to decide. We wanted DESPERATELY for God to reveal each step to us.  He is faithful.

For the next six weeks Brandon's cocktail will include:
1 Radiation and Temodar (same chemotherapy that he has been on)
2, Holistic Support, Dr. Stephen Duncan, Plano Texas
3, Work Full-Time from home/Flex Schedule (8 weeks) (Dr. Pepper Snapple might be one of THE best companies EVER!!!!!)
4. Elements of The Maker's Diet and Ketogenic Diet with intermittent fasting
5, Personal Trainer 1x/week and workout 3-4x/week
6. Prayer

In the first few days of the fast, we were both eager that perhaps this would be the season that God would release Brandon from radiation and chemotherapy.  This was our biggest area of tension. We wanted so badly to walk away and watch God move this mountain.  However, on DAY 7 Brandon was researching Louis Pasteur and Antoine Bechamp and in the midst of his reading it became clear as day to him.  "It's got to be BOTH. We've got to eradicate existing disease and build up the inner terrain of my body AT THE SAME TIME."

His entire being shifted in that moment. And to walk forward with clarity, peace and assuredness should seem simple. But fear is always lurking.

While Brandon was reading about Louis and Antoine, I was reading about King Jehoshaphat. (Yeah, y'all thought we were going to the lake for a nice relaxing marriage getaway, huh? It was FAR from from the ideal but exactly what we needed!)

Jehoshaphat had found himself on the brink of his neighbors waging major war against his nation of Judah (Israel). Upon hearing this news he IMMEDIATELY "resolved to inquire the Lord" and "proclaimed a fast" and the nation gathers.

Jehoshaphat says to the Lord:
"Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. 7 Our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?8 They have lived in it and have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, 9‘If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will  stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and,,,

....will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.’

Then all the people of Judah STAND....waiting upon the Lord.

And He answers, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s."

Then their God gives them marching orders:

1. You will not have to fight this battle

2. Take your positions

3. STAND FIRM

4. SEE the deliverance the Lord will give you

5. Do not be afraid

6. Do not be discouraged

7. Go out to face THEM

And then His promise....."The Lord will be with you"

So if you are reading this tonight, STAND WITH US in eager anticipation that the Lord will deliver us from this battle. It is HIS. We are standing firm on His word. He is our hope. He is our deliverer. He is with us.

You can journey with us, here ,on this blog.  I have so many stories from the last 10 days and I can't wait to share them.  We know you will want to know how exactly to pray and what our needs are so stay with us on this blog.  Thank you all so much for your love and prayers. God answered us in mighty ways over the last 10 days. He showed us that it is not Him who is hiding his plans from us, but rather we have hidden ourselves from him......