I always want to know the plan. I've always been a "planner". As long as I know where I am headed no matter how difficult it might be, I can GO because I know how I am getting there. Five years ago when we began down this difficult road the plans seemed to come and span a longer period of time. But lately the plans seem to be unfolding in mere steps and the steps may be only for this week or for this month and they can change at any minute.
So how does a planner handle a plan that doesn't seem very well planned?
It seems like the plan is looking more and more like GO!!!!.....now STOP!!!!....now TURN RIGHT!!!!.....now WAIT!!!!!!.........................................................................
It's a lot like teaching a toddler to handle the street, right MOMS?!!! "STOP AT THE CURB......LOOK BOTH WAYS........HOLD MY HANND.......OK, LET'S GO!"
When I think about this I am forced to remember that this banter is for the GOOD of the toddler. It's not to hide the plan from him or keep him from the excitement on the other side of the street. No at all. It's FOR HIS GOOD. It's wrapped in safety, timing, and perfect love.
Our ear is getting tuned to His voice right now, more than it ever has before. We can't see in this darkness but our hands are entangled with the ONE who is light.
Brandon finished 19 treatments of radiation and he has decided to be done there. (I will let him tell that story). It became a moment where God was yelling "STOP". So he did. His body and mind and spirit were weary. He needed rest and the "logical" step was to finish early. Though it seems logical..it doesn't make sense.
To the toddler who wants their ball that just rolled into the middle of the street, saying "NO. WAIT, STOP," doesn't make much sense either....... when all they want is their ball.
This time in our journey is weary. It is draining in many ways. It does not make sense, perhaps because we are too focused on the "ball" or perhaps because we aren't meant to make sense out of something that is broken. However, when we wake up each morning and take an inventory of the night....we are assured of this.....this road has already been traveled down by the ONE who died that we may live....without Him the weariness would never cease but IN HIM it simply fades away. Our burden becomes His. Each time we make this exchange---Hope becomes our resting place. We set our face to the sun and fix our eyes on the Holy One. When He says GO....we GO and when He says WAIT we WAIT and when He says STOP we STOP. Something happens in this exchange that can only be experienced never accurately described through words.....and therefore can never be taken away from the person who experiences it.
You can't plan for this. Even if I had all the knowledge of this circumstance....I could never accurately navigate this road. So why try? For now, I will GO, WAIT, STOP, and GO....this is on repeat in my heart. My plan won't work. But His..... is perfect.
He will never lead us astray. We are His. We know His voice.
When He says GO....we will follow Him....for He chose us before we chose Him.
"I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him..."
- 1 Timothy 1:12
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