Just Listen

"You don't need to be colossal
To be a great heart"

-Erik

I often spend a lot of time in self-promotion to others, displaying my narcissism very loudly. Seriously.  How many times have you been with someone and you are telling this amazingly, adorable story about your dog or your cat or your husband or wife or child....and the person listening gives not a single word to your story except to match it or beat it with one of their own?!

That, unfortunately, is me....more times than not.  Why can't I just listen, ask more questions., laugh louder...ultimately care MORE about their life than about my own?.....  Even if I have heard their stories a million times and even if they never stop talking and even if  I never get to tell one of my AMAZING stories...

This isn't a place to stay but rather a place to grow from, I know that! And I can admit that it has been something the Lord has worked in me for a long time.  In some conversations, it is easy, natural, and desirable to listen rather than speak....but in others I find myself practicing that beautiful fruit of the Spirit.....self-control!

".but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappear"- 1 Corinthians 13:10

It's important that we share our stories. Those stories that demonstrate His love and mercy and grace that have created and formed who we are today.  And it is so fun to brag about our kiddos and all their amazing gifts and talents. But, for me today, the burden of my heart is to know better the person standing right in front of me.....so that I may speak the word of life into them but also that I may receive from them His word through their life!

 

With Us

I love my nephew...
He is definitely one of my heroes! Already in his life, he has overcome more than any 3 year old should have to endure. But wherever he is ...there is joy. A joy that is so pure. He truly shows those around him how to love and receive love....sloppy kisses and all!

May the next 3 years of his life be filled with immeasurable joy....and with each STEP may he know the ONE who gives overcoming power and who is always with him and each of us....EMMANUEL!

Visions of His Majesty

May visions of sugar plums dance through your head.....

AND

May you KNOW His majesty and His grace ...the majesty of our Lord and our Savior....Jesus Christ....that HE is ALL in ALL!

Merry Christmas to ALL!!!!
Love from The Knights:)

Make Em' Laugh

We took some family pictures today and I was fortunate to catch this moment.

Brandon took a moment to remember his high school senior pictures.

You remember this pose from Olan Mills.

Hand on the knee-lean forward-chin turned-head inclined.....

I love this guy.

Never a dull moment.

He has a way of taking all my serious moments,

and making me laugh through them!

Cheers to the people who are created to make people smile and laugh!

Cheers to my ridiculously handsome, funny and charming husband who is always able to make me smile!

Glad They Were Wrong

 There are days when I wish it truly was the end.  

That all of "this" as we know it would wrap up and the newness which we are promised would find it's way to earth in all it's glory.

But today wasn't one of those days.  

Today, I am glad "they" were wrong.

 If the world had ended today, I would have missed so many of these moments.  And, though, I am convinced that one second in an eternity filled with the fullness of the glory of our creator, would be more than enough to satisfy my every desire and need.

I am certain that the moments we are blessed with in this life are from Him and that they are gifts of His nature...displaying His goodness and His love within His people.

If the world had ended today, here is what I would have missed.......

A cobb salad for lunch with my dad and Asher

Saying Bon Voyage to this beautiful friend

Asher's first pair of Air Jordans

This face as he realized he had just inherited an Ipad Mini

 

Enjoying my dad



Didn't you have moments today? Moments that produced JOY within....life-giving moments....
HE is faithful, true, and honest.....for when Jesus said....

"Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place.
Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.
But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. "
-Matthew 24:34-36

  .....He meant it...

May we live lives that produce the fullness of His joy within us while waiting in anticipation of all that is yet to be restored and redeemed.

Value

 I thought about value, a lot today.....It started when I decided to go ahead and get my haircut instead of waiting until I was back in Pittsburg.  I thought at first I could have saved some time and money by waiting, but at the last minute this morning I decided there wasn't much VALUE in waiting...better to do it now...

A haircut later and I was on my way home.  I reached across to the passenger seat to pick up my phone that had dropped to the floor.... BAM! Right up on the curb. Tire busted.  I am now rolling into the nearest parking lot to await some roadside assistance.

My first phone call was going to be fun.  Yep, you guessed it...made to my handsome, frugal, sensible, -never-to-reach-across-the seat-while driving-husband.  Yeah. Fun.

Except, he was awesome. 

A few years ago, this would have lasted weeks.  I would have felt awful and he would have made sure that I felt his disappointment.  But today was different.  Today, he used his moments  to encourage me...push me on......and set me back on path.

You can't assign VALUE to a husband who knows what his purpose in a marriage is.....as Paul writes in Ephesians...."Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...."

Today, there was more value in Brandon LOVING me towards himself....that he might be able to delicately show me where I made a HUGE mistake....instead of pushing me away by manifesting his disappointment in me.

Because he chose to love me towards him today, I saw Christ in him.  I witnessed in the flesh what Christ desires above all else......to give His love and experience us as we receive.  Within that relationship we do see ourselves for who we are...far from perfect....far from His perfection ..very capable of falling down over and over....but worthy to be loved...worthy to be straightened out and set back on path.

I'm not sure about the total amount that I racked up today (I am sure Brandon can show you the spreadsheet if you want to know).....and I wish I could always see my husband in that light (without zeros behind numbers).... but I am thankful that His GRACE is always within reach...to open our eyes and see our circumstances and relationships with His focus on value, which is weighed on His scales within a kingdom where His righteousness reigns.

Thank you to my husband who not only preaches but practices Christ's love.







Better is the poor who walks in his integrity Than he who is crooked though he be rich.

Aim for Imperishable

I can't imagine how far away this basket seems to Asher. Every time he looks at it, before he aims his shot...I just wonder what goes through his mind.

It's a long distance from his growing hand to that 10 foot basket.

But he amazes me.

He just keeps shooting.

After a few missed shots, there are sometimes moments of defeat....where he throws himself to the ground and rolls around declaring "I will NEVER make the basket."

But I know the TRUTH.

One day it will go through the hoop.  He will score those two points.  The crowd will cheer or perhaps no one will see....and all his efforts, all his labor....will not have been done in vain.

And so it is for us.

May we continue to labor within His grace, within His gift of salvation....

Knowing that as we aim higher, straighter, closer....even when we feel like throwing ourselves to the ground and declaring that there is no possible way to move forward....that we will move forward and when we do...

His Kingdom will draw nearer to us.

 

"Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable."

-1 Corinthians 9:25

New

At Thanksgiving time, we took Asher and my nephew to get their pictures taken with Santa at the mall.  After the picture, was playing in the play area and riding on all the miniature transportation rides and a little girl yelling..."Asher, Asher...my friend Asher!"

It was a friend from his preschool class....that day I met Anni, her husband Zari, and their daughters Sarai and Aimee.  They are refugees from Iran, natives of Armenia and have lived in Dallas for 5 years.  In an instant we made a connection and our family was drawn to theirs through their warm, spirit and beautiful eyes.... and we became new friends.

This morning Anni and I spent hours drinking coffee and eating pastries.....she told me about Iran and her family and I helped her with her English....we shared stories of how we met our husbands and I held and squeezed and kissed her eighteen month old

This past week has been long and hard and at times dark.....but this morning reminded me that with each new dawn there are new mercies all around.  That our daily responsibility is to lay ourselves before the throne and walk into each moment receiving the feast that has been prepared for us....

"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail,

They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, 

To the person who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:22-25

May we wait for Him in each moment, seek Him when the way seems hidden from our view and delight in His faithfulness.....so that we may experience the JOY that each NEW mercy brings into our lives!


Anni

New Friends

 

Yummy coffee in her "sexy" cups

No Better Time

Asher sat next to me on the couch as we watched the President give his speech at the Newtown Memorial Service.   Brandon asked if we should turn the channel....should we shield him from this evil and sadness.....Seriously, y'all the ONLY brain tumor related doctor appointment that Asher has been to is the very first one....where we received diagnosis and knowledge of surgery.

I've wanted to shelter him from it all.  Daddy's head was hurt, the doctors fixed it, and now daddy takes medicine....this is what he knows.

So my initial response was to shelter him from this....but I can't.  And what I realized is that I want him to find out about good and evil, right and wrong, despair, sickness, death, and HOPE right here in our home.

So he watched.

 I knew towards the end I needed to give him an idea of what we were listening to.....taking courage I explained that a sad boy walked into a school with a gun....and with that very bad decision there came a lot of consequences.

Asher looked at me with his big blue eyes (because he KNOWS about bad choices and consequences) and then  he looked back to the television to stare at our President and his response was perfect.....

"We should pray.  Let's pray."

Tears flooded my eyes, the air grew still and sacred and we all grew intent as the President began to call the sweet children and adults by name:
Charlotte, 6
Daniel, 7
Rachel, 29
Olivia, 6
Josephine, 7
Ana, 6
Dylan, 6
Dawn,47
Madeline, 6
Catherine, 6
Chase, 7
Jesse, 6
James, 6
Grace, 7
Anna Marie, 52
Emilie, 6
Jack, 6
Noah, 6
Caroline, 6
Jessica, 6
Avielle, 6
Lauren, 30
Mary, 56
Victoria, 27
Benjamin, 6
Allison, 6


Asher, you are so right....."WE SHOULD PRAY. LET'S PRAY."

There is no better time.

TOGETHER

 My initial response to this day.....one of saddest days that our nation has ever seen....was that WE are all in this TOGETHER.....

After the shock wears off, our sentiments of grief to the mourning families will turn to anger and rage....we will want justice....we will want answers...we will demand that our government make a way to ensure that this never happens again......

But that will never bring us the peace that our souls desire.  One thing I am certain of is that this world will never answer our questions and it will never guarantee our security..  I guess to some people that may produce FEAR and ANXIETY and APATHY.....but mostly within in me, I pray it will produce an ever growing COMPASSION for victims of any injustice and an ANTICIPATION for what has been PROMISED and SECURED through the life and death and resurrection of the one true God....Jesus our Messiah. 

We are merely passing through.....journeying for something that we can only glimpse upon while yearning for the fullness of all that we experience.   My prayer will be steadfast.....that a people will be formed in that small town in Connecticut....a people who are poor in spirit....humbled in His presence....receiving of His healing and restoration....that they may be forever changed....that they may be a LIGHT to a nation who has forgotten that our God is the Alpha and the Omega....beginning and the end....that they may confess with their mouths that within His presence DEATH loses it's sting.....because it has already been swallowed up.

May we gaze upon our Creator and worship Him for this beautiful promise.....as we mourn TOGETHER......




"Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. 

But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.

NEVER again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; he who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere youth; he who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed. 

 They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.No longer will they build houses and others live in them, or plant and others eat. For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people; my chosen ones will long enjoy the works of their hands. 

They will not toil in vain or bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them

.Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. 

The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, but dust will be the serpent's food. They will neither HARM nor DESTROY on all my HOLY mountain.....

.....SAYS THE LORD"
-Isaiah 65:17-25

Prone to Wander

Don't we all love that old hymn..."Come Thou Fount"....my favorite line that makes me want to grab my heart out of my chest when I sing....

"Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above"

Looking at this picture of Asher, I REALLY realized that is is so in our nature to wander.

Asher could have been looking straight ahead, gazing in anticipation to where he was headed...

instead of looking around to where he COULD go.  

And I admit I used to struggle so much when I first came to know the Lord, with glancing in the wrong direction.....wanting to desperately know and continue to experience what I might be missing....what MIGHT be outside of ALL of "this"....

 At those times, my desperate cries sounded like the above lyrics.....Lord, HERE IS MY HEART....nothing in me wants to follow what your WORD says....but HERE take it ...seal it....continue to show me who YOU are...HELP ME walk in your ways and be obedient to your word and to love you with everything I am...

What I want to tell him everyday is this...

Asher, look straight ahead...listen with a clear and devoted heart....be obedient even when you don't want to...ask the Lord to help you when it gets hard...and walk into the destiny that awaits you.

(oh...... and there are cookies too)!

3yr old Preschool Christmas Program

YAY, More Chemo!

Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Last night, Brandon started his 3rd month of daily chemotherapy.  What I am laughing about is our conversation about how ALL of this continues to unfold as some ridiculously painful meets ridiculously redeemed plan.

If you ask Brandon about his perspective on the "treatment"...this is what you will get...

It started as 5 days of treatment with 23 days of rest...for eighteen months...well, no lets make that twenty-four months they said.....yay! ... finished, completed May 2012.  What followed was 4 months of nothing except a beautiful summer!  Then, BAM, precautionary treatment for something that is truly undiagnosed....but instead of that silly 5 days on 23 days off regimen (that you handled so well)...lets do EVERYDAY at 140mg.  At the last MRI....everything looked good....stable....even some improvement in walking and balance....great...keep moving towards that 365 day goal....except....well, now lets do 155mg instead of 140mg....Yay, More Chemo!

And so we laugh.  We laugh, because Brandon confessed that found himself becoming "comfortable" at 140mg....thinking and speaking...."I" can do this...."I" can handle this....."I" can overcome this 365 days....

How many times will He show us..."It's not about the tumor.  It never has been."

As we chatted last night, we knew there is still SO MUCH OF "US" in "US".  So much PRIDE....in our thinking, knowing, and walking within the comfort of what "WE" can do and accomplish. 

I am not saying this is a lesson that everyone has to be taught, but for us .....it is so clear....we DESIRE comfort in what WE can accomplish and acheive and overcome. We want to "DO" even within a deep understanding of His GRACE....we still want to "DO".
 Our dependency on Him, our increased faith in Him, our heightened awareness of His sovereignty are being produced within us....but this LAUGHTER opened us up AGAIN (haven't we learned this yet???) to see that He does not desire to move us from a place of comfort to a place of discomfort to another place of comfort....His desire is that we CONTINUOUSLY run into the only sustainable comfort....Himself....

EVERYTIME.

This isn't a blog to bring about any feelings within any reader...this is for us...Brandon and I....to remind us as we look back....that nothing short of complete and daily dependence upon Him will sustain and satisfy and bring the peace and contentment that Paul speaks to...."'Therefore, I am WELL CONTENT with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

May our desire be ...to be well content ....confident that He is longing to work through the lowest, darkest, weakest places within us....

That is the Truth

 "But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God." - Acts 20:24


Sometimes I get the urge to APOLOGIZE ahead of time for any harsh statements I might make.  I know for sure that people who I walk with today and people whom I've walked with in other seasons.....have probably found themselves in an annoyed place with me.....asking me a question and desiring an honest response...and receiving an honest response....

Often, I don't want to be able to see the answer or even to be the bearer of the answer....but TRUTH is TRUTH.  We can run from it all we want......and deny it if we choose....but the TRUTH is a constantly, consistent reality.

What I have learned through my daily, intimate walk with the Lord is.....that though He created me with a purpose to UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT with a heart wide open TRUTH in any given situation....He is also creating and shaping me to be able to dialogue, communicate and even understand TRUTH with new and different eyes.....

The difference for me has been to think about TRUTH as 360 degrees.....with a different perspective with each look.  Thinking about Luke 15 and the harsh TRUTH Jesus was trying to communicate....."I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

Jesus communicates this TRUTH in three different ways through "The Lost Sheep", "The Lost Coin" and "The Prodigal Son"....He wants these men to understand that it is BETTER to eat with "sinners" with HOPE of repentance.....than to never eat with them at all....He also wants His disciples to be able to follow His lead....He also wants the men He is eating with to see themselves in LIGHT of who He was and to lay it all down and seek after Him.....

His purposes in communicating TRUTH were broad and the depth unsearchable.....it wasn't merely to win a debate with the Pharisees.....it wasn't only to demonstrate discipleship....it wasn't even ONLY to see the sinner set free...it was ALL of those and much MORE...... to lay the foundation for His Kingdom......

My prayer is that by His GRACE I may receive and communicate TRUTH with this same desire.....not to just KNOW something or to simply EXPLAIN something.....but rather to just be a part of something that is drawing closer everyday ....and to desire above all else...that all those near and far from me are also, a part of that work.

And, THAT is the TRUTH!

Game Face On

First basketball game for our little 3yr old tomorrow....so we spent tonight watching high school basketball....as you can see"like father like son"....except shortly into the game we realized Asher cared just as much about tossing his gatorade bottle in the air and catching it to impress some girls as he did about the game.....

Here's to tomorrow....game faces on!!!!

Unshakeable

One of those weeks.....I just took a breath and looked upon ALL that transpired in the course of this week and all still to come and my head is spinning.  I couldn't accurately list the amount of events...big and small...that have whirled through in the course of 5 days (nothing like offering no specifics....but seriously don't know where to begin...the CRAZY thing is that none of them have to do with a BRAIN TUMOR).....you never feel like that do you?!!!

Sometimes I am burdened by things that are "busywork" those things that make me run around in circles until I sit down and realize I actually accomplished NOTHING....but I can honestly say there has not been one single thing I have done or received this week that has been meaningless....everywhere I turned I was either sowing seeds or someone was sowing into me...when I say "Sowing"...I mean "investing"....when I say "seeds"...I mean "thoughts, words, deeds" ..Kingdom of God ...Here on Earth.....

"Therefore since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is consuming fire." -Hebrews 12:28


When something consumes you...it takes over and as it takes over....you begin to see that it is MOVING you....what once felt like weakness now becomes strengthened...what once seemed impossible is now   completely within grasp.....the world gets bigger and smaller within the same glimpse....and Hope in the unseen becomes more REAL than anything you can touch which is in fact truly fading.........

May my hands continue to be OPEN to receive the kingdom which cannot be shaken....as I offer my life as service....in reverence and awe of all that is here and all that is yet to come....

Three Frogs Guided By the Lord Towards the Goal

Our first annual "year in review-ornament selecting" has been revealed in all it's glory....

The rule was simple.... select ONE ornament that would serve as a way to remember 2012....

Three frogs on one lily pad, guided by the Lord, towards the goal.

Sounds pretty close to me.....

Affect the Space

One of the most profound things I heard this weekend at (http://www.dance-revolution.com)

was this......"Affect the Space".   

This is a picture of a beautiful, talented and gifted DISCIPLE.......CHOSEN to change the world by "affecting the space" around her one inch at a time.

Over a decade ago, God put a vision within the owner of the studio I teach for to build a studio....one that would be different than so many around it.....and she DID. 

 A family stepped into those doors and headed down a road of costumes and hairpieces and competitions and choreography....and something took root.

Lots of things would happen over the course of those years..... seeds sown from a grandmother, prayers and surrender of a mother, disappointments and accomplishments and difficult decisions of a daughter, check-writing of a father, support of a family....so that on THIS day....this daughter of the KING would be a part of something CHOSEN to change the world....to affect every space.....to bring the Kingdom of God to this earth.

In Acts 1:8 the last words that Jesus spoke to His disciples in that small room were these:

"...You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my WITNESSES both in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth."

What Jesus is saying is ....stay right HERE......I will give you all the power that you need through my very BREATH to move you from the CENTER out toward the circumference.......so that with every step you take you will "affect the space" around you....as you WALK, you will bring MY message of reconciliation to every part of the earth....as you SPEAK, you will pierce through the darkness of the hearts of men and women and children....as you RAISE your hands to worship me, you will reflect my image.....as you GAZE upon ALL my creation you will KNOW that I am God and that my Kingdom is REDEEMING and RESTORING all that has been broken.

This POWER is not within only a FEW ....it is within EVERY believer....we have been GIVEN every single thing we need to affect every inch of space that is right in front of us.

Stay right where you are.....let Him draw NEAR to you.... that He may GIVE you His power...that we would each  be empowered to affect EVERY inch of space within us and around us.....