Tis' the Reason

May all the things that battle for our attention be drowned out....

May all of those blinded by the darkness see light....

May the rod of the oppressor be broken....

May those thoughts that burden us find a new home....

May our hearts know and respond within every moment....

That the answers that are larger than our questions take time.....

 "For unto us a child is born, a son is GIVEN, and the government shall be on His shoulder and His name shall be called WONDERFUL, COUNSELOR, THE MIGHTY GOD, THE EVERLASTING FATHER, THE PRINCE OF PEACE."

 HE has broken it ALL.  It ALL rests upon Him.

Tis' the reason....

 

The Knight Family nativity

All Things

I woke up to a very sick boy this morning.  But I realized as the day moved on that HIS promises are true.

 "He works ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love him.."

  He took Asher's tummy ache (and other stuff...) and turned it into a snuggle day with mommy.  One of those days when you realize you've been moving too fast....with too many things on the plate to balance....distractions all around and within .....and that staying in your PJs until the afternoon watching "Rudolph" is exactly what the "doctor" ordered.

And Asher is fine.  All virus symptoms were gone after his nap.  Imagine that.....

My view for most of the day

It's a Choice

Our dog escaped again.  The knock at the door indicated one of our neighbors would be bringing "Lily" back ....it happens two different ways, either the garage door remains open while a certain 3 year old rides his bike sometimes forgetting to shut the door OR she finds her little place under our newly rebeuilt gate....and the escape happens without knowledge.

As I opened the door, I could sense this would be the last time this neighbor would bring this dog back.  Her face indicated her stress.  I tried my best to explain the situation, but she just wouldn't hear it.  As she turned to leave, I knew I had to speak....."Are you ANGRY?....Please don't leave ANGRY"  Yep.  I said that.  I spoke right to the center. 

She spoke quickly and without room for dialogue..."I AM ANGRY.  My dog was run over by a car.....yours was almost hit....and this is the last time I will bring her back to your house." 

I politely offered my apologies for her loss and acknowledged how personal this must be for her.  I thanked her again and again and pleaded with her to not leave.....stressing the value I place on living in PEACE with my neighbors....I stressed how we would be so much more AWARE and that we would TRY so hard not to let the escapes go unnoticed.....

Neighbor: "I CAN LEAVE HERE ANGRY IF I WANT TO..."

That's right sister, you can.

I wanted to plead with her more...list out the reasons again...sorry we have a 3 year old who sometimes forgets to close the door, sorry we didn't spend $10, 000 on a better fence, sorry we didn't find her before you did.....SORRY....but this wasn't a moment for more dialogue that would just fuel her anger..

I looked down at Asher...."...And that Asher is why LOVE and HATE are choices we make.  In every moment, we can choose LOVE and PEACE...or NOT."

I could have let the issue go untouched.  Let her leave with all her anger and me to speculate her motives and intentions.  But, I am content that I didn't.  I am grateful for the opportunity to let her ANGER go NOTICED.....now I know where she stands.  She may never like me or my family or my dog.....but we know how to love her, how to pray, how to handle all the pain that is inside her that manifests itself as ANGER towards others.

May she find PEACE. May she choose LOVE.  May she know the ONE who offers the GRACE to allow her that choice. 

"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God."
-2 Corinthians 5:20

Ever ancient, ever new

Late have I loved You
O beauty every ancient, ever new!
Late have I loved You
And behold,
You were within; and I without,
and without I sought You.
And deformed I ran after these forms
of beauty You have made.

You were with me
And I was not with You.
Those things held me back from You,
things whose only being
was to be in You.

You called; You cried;
and You broke through my deafness.
You flashed; You shone;
and you chased away my blindness.
You became fragrant;
and I inhaled and sighed for You.

I tasted
and now hunger and thirst
for You.

You touched me;
and I burned for Your embrace.

~St. Augustine

From his autobiography The Confessions written in the year 400....

 

I love how words from over 1000 years ago when connected to music from 2010 that my ear delights in....can draw me into the same presence that St. Augustine experienced the night he wrote.  HE is ever ancient, ever new....redeeming my every moment, filling in every space within, and moving me into that place that continues to hunger and thirst for more.

Whatever it takes within each day just draw me in closer.

Late Have I Loved You.

 

Life is Short, The Day is Long

Papa Terry made it to town!  Asher and Brody waited patiently at the restaurant, eyes fixed on the horizon until the rock star himself came breezing through the door.  They spent their first few hours cruising the neighborhood in the red wagon and the next few circling the carousel and drinking cherry limeades.

But, today we celebrated.....Papa's birthday! 

It was a humble party but there could not have been more excitement from two 3 year olds as they both sang loudly, blew out the candle fiercely and nestled their way onto his lap to help finish the remaining cake and ice cream.

I thought of the lyrics to this song as the night played on.....

Thankful tonight that my dad accepted the gift of GRACE so many years ago. 

That today those moments that killed his pride now fill his cup....that he knows and extends the wisdom that the TRUE gift is the knowledge and peace that comes from living a life that acknowledges that LIFE IS SHORT AS THE DAY IS LONG......

Cheers to the furrows on our brow
To each hard-won victory
Cheers to the losses that grew us up
Killed our pride, and filled our cup

Cheers to the friendships well worn in
That time nor distance alter
Here's to the sleepers we'll see again

Find company in memoria

Open your mouth and sing out your song

Life is short as the day is long

A Loud Legacy

The most beautiful moment of Thanksgiving was my grandmother swinging at the park....the clouds began to cover the sky and it felt as if it was about to downpour....but instead the sun came penetrating through that raincloud....right at it's center. 

 My grandma spoke loudly from within her swing, "That's grandpa saying hi to us."

My grandma has fewer and fewer words with ever passing day, so when she speaks we listen. 

I was so grateful for her perspective and her heart.

I paused in silence and remembered my grandpa....for the man that I remembered him as and for the longing that he could see these two tiny men growing into his footsteps.

Thankful for his legacy that has continued to live on so loudly within our family.

May we all live lives that leave a LOUD legacy in the hearts of those around us....

 

Creating Extra Time

TIME was the word of the day.  

I had a revelation of such a simple truth while we waited for Brandon today at the mall.  On any other day our trip to the mall would have been about my time schedule.  We have 30 minutes to play in the play area, a 15 minute lunch in the food court, a short ride on the carousel, and perhaps a visit to one of the stores I would want to purchase something and then ON TO THE NEXT THING.  But today was different.  I actually observed Asher and made a decision to let him guide the schedule.....we spent 30 minutes in Pottery Barn exploring and free playing, enjoyed a long snack laughing about the funny faces we could make after each bite, and a long time of observation of the ice rink where he was free to ask his string of questions.  I think Brandon and I do a really good job of giving Asher attention and meeting his needs and shepherding his emotions.  Today, though I realized that sometimes an extra five minutes to listen to this three-year old share his heart and ask his questions and use his imagination on his own TIME

 is far more important than any schedule I could create.

I realized the freedom we have as a family of three is truly a gift. 

 Our evening ended with a game of Memory....on most nights one or two games is plenty, but tonight there was freedom to play another game (and though mommy won all three games).....another five minutes of laughter, gasps, frustration, tears, and words of wisdom flowed throughout and we could all sense that five more minutes grew us closer, made us stronger, and set us free to love deeper.  

Thankful, today, for realizing that sacrificing extra moments of time produces more freedom in my relationships.

The Closest Thing

We've been immersed in this community of people for the last five years.  Represented in these pictures are The Beckmans, The Taylors, The Swindles, and The Daniels.  Each of these families is walking closely with our family through seasons of joy, mourning, questioning, revelation, awkwardness, and peace.  There are these really amazingly tough moments that we just get to be a part of...moments you could never create or write about...but that are just the reality of being part of a whole.  I'm not sure any of us truly understood what we were beginning five years ago and had we been given a glimpse..... chances are we wouldn't have had the courage to bare ourselves, sacrifice or engage.
I'm thankful today, that we still have moments when one of our houses is full of chatter....the kind of chatter that you know is building up instead of tearing down and guiding instead of creating confusion.....pushing each other forward into whatever season is next.....

Someone mentioned to me today to let them know how to overcome fear that keeps us from being totally surrendered..... the problem is FAITH is something you can't teach....you just have to experience.  It's the same with community....I could never TEACH you how to be a part of community....you just have to experience.  All I can say is ....it's good.  It's messy and takes grace and humility and deep compassion but it's good. 
It's the closest thing to heaven on earth that I've ever experienced.

Asher and Evie enamored by Dane's drum skills

Magic Treasure

Evie says GOOD NIGHT

Share the chair

The closest thing

Monumental Day

Today was a monumental day in The Knight Home....Today Asher begins his basketball career. Well, at least pre-season begins out back..That's right we signed his YMCA contract today ...8 weeks, 8 games and one proud daddy!!!!

It's just one of those days that a dad who played basketball can hope and dream that his son will love it all the same. But the TRUTH remains....whether Asher fulfills THOSE hopes and dreams pales in comparison to the hope we have....that this little boy will find his hope in the unseen...that ALL that he has been created to fulfill will be his reality everyday. Whether he plays basketball or serves the basketball team water .....our prayer is that he knows at a young age who created Him and that he is filled with an obedient love!

Hey, if that path involves KU college basketball...who are we to get in the way?!!!

Non-Fiction Love Song

I love this little song (cheesy as it is....I love it!).  I love thinking of Brandon when I listen to it.  I love thinking about us when we were dating.  I love to let the Lord take me back to those moments when we began to fall in love....

We were both so lost yet there were always these moments when we sensed that somewhere "out there"...there was some kind of plan and it involved the two of us together....most often it seemed impossible that we would ever spend our lives together....But while we were dating I held onto those moments.....knowing those impossible moments were where we would find truth.

"But I'll look back and laugh I'll bet
And tell you 'bout these days
Like they are stories of old
And I wish my voice would echo
Through galaxies and such
To scratch the surface of
Explaining to you just how much I'm glad
You don't have to try
You don't have to change
Baby you stay just the same"

 

 

Brandon, even at your roughest moments....I always knew we would "look back and laugh at those days like they were stories of old".....this is our non-fiction love song and I wish my voice were loud enough to echo as I shout ....to explain to you how much you don't have to try, change, or work any harder....just as you are....you are mine and I am yours.

Deep, Meaningful

 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."- I Peter 4:8

I am reflecting on today and realizing how THANKFUL I am that I am not even able to count the amount of deep, MEANINGFUL conversations that I have had today.  They've come in various mediums....face to face, passing through and stopping for a brief moment, email and text.....they have changed my mind, guided my actions, brought me to tears, exploded me in laughter, and increased my faith. All in the last 24 hours.

As I consider the blessing of each of these moments, I also give myself a moment to pause and consider those who perhaps haven't had one, single meaningful conversation today or this week, month, year or possibly ever.....

My prayer is that each day I could find myself more devoted to loving the people around me than the day before....may I honor them and offer my love and service and devotion in deep and meaningful ways.....not so that they may do so in return but so that we ALL may know and see and experience the Father, Son and Holy Spirit more deeply.....that we may love others more deeply.

We Don't Know...But We Know

If you have been walking in close proximity to our family in the past few weeks, you know there is this weird thing going on.....we feel very called to sell our house.  There really is no good earthly reason. We both love our jobs, church, friends, community.... It is just one of those "gut" things....the first question people ask us is ..."Well, where will you live?"...Our answer.  "We don't know." (maybe a van down by the river?)

You might ask, why? "We don't know." 
You might ask, when? "We don't know."

It really is that simple.  "We don't know."  We don't know why, where, when, how.  I honestly think we won't have any of those answers until we take that next step.  I liken it to a baby taking his first few steps....if we could only know the thoughts those babies have.  How will my feet actually hold me up?  Where will I go as I raise my foot to move forward?  When will I get wherever I am going only taking ONE step at a time?

That's where we are.  Knowing we trust the ONE who is calling us to take a step.  Knowing He guides and leads and directs each step.  Knowing His word lights our way.  Knowing His Spirit will move us forward when we want to stand still. Knowing Him... is all we need to take that step forward....it is on us to breathe in a breath of courage and breathe out a breath of fear and take a step.

I often let my mind go wild....dreaming up all of the purposes that He might fulfill through one act of obedience.  But the TRUTH is that they are mere dreams if there is no human responsibility of action. I remember Brandon laying in a hospital bed having to take deep breaths moment by moment to simply sit up and learn to walk again....while at the same time Asher was learning as a 10 month old to take his first STEPS ever....

These steps today are no different.  The GRACE we need today is exactly the same.

 We are the agents that He has created to demonstrate His power....may we embrace His grace that empowers us to yield our lives today.

The Gate is Open

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence...knowledge. and in your knowledge...self-control, and in your self-control....perseverance, and in your perseverance....godliness, and in your godliness...brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.
For if ALL these qualities are yours AND are INCREASING, they render neither useless nor unfruitful in TRUE knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
For he who LACKS these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having FORGOTTEN his purification from his former sins.

THEREFORE, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His CALLING and CHOOSING you; for as long as you practice these things you WILL NEVER STUMBLE;
for in this way the ENTRANCE into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be ABUNDANTLY SUPPLIED to you."
-2 Peter 1:5-11

 I pretty much fell in love with this passage tonight.  After, some study based on the narrow gate and wide gate.....life and destruction....false prophets and real....I began to find myself in a place where I was even questioning where I fit into these contrasts.  But after falling deeply into this passage......I rested.....knowing THE GATE IS OPEN. It is not a WIDE or BROAD gate. But it is OPEN.  To those who have rested upon the rock of who Christ is and are pursuing faith, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love.....it is OPEN.

Knowing that the initial pursuit is only the beginning.... that the ABUNDANCE comes as those things increase and surface and other things decrease and fade ....His promise is trustworthy.  Practice these THINGS and you will never STUMBLE.....I can walk today knowing that one day I will walk right through the ENTRANCE as if I had walked through that narrow, open gate..... many times before.....

House of Boys

Joy and laughter and excitement and LIFE filled our home this weekend as we spent our time with The Knight family....ALL BOYS! 

Yep....eating, sports, tooting, yelling and SMILES.....

There is a season for all things....grateful this weekend was full of the GRACE of family.

A Reminder

Last Christmas season I was invited to share some of my story with the women in our church at our annual Christmas brunch.....today I was prompted to go back and listen again....

I was reminded quickly of so many things but mostly that the God that I love and serve is always with me....no matter what the circumstance He stands....unsurprised, unshaken....completely in control....guiding and directing every step....with GRACE and MERCY and WISDOM.

I so thankful for the story He is writing with my life.....

Here is the link if you would like to hear more....if not ....just keep going!!!!


http://tinyurl.com/345kt6


[Open in new window]

Mystery of the Exchange

"Yes, My love for you is of such nature and intensity that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for you to ever escape My thoughts, or for My longing for you to ever waver.

Cast aside your questionings

Fling aside your fears, 

For SURELY MY arms are already outstretched to receive you.

ONLY BELIEVE.

For in the moment you relinquish ALL-

in that same moment you shall know RELEASE.

For you shall be set free of yourself and 

shall be captive of MY love

My arms shall gather you and I shall never let you go!"

-Come Away Beloved

I love to HUG people.....seriously....I think there is nothing better than a good hug from someone.  I will hug people I barely know if they will let me.  I love to hug my dancers after class (even when they're sweaty).....I love to hug a friend who has just released a lot of baggage.....I love receiving a hug from my dad.....and I LOVE to hug MY BOYS!

The passage above seems to me....like the most ridiculous hug that anyone could ever give or receive......arms that have been extended since before creation....outstretched and ready to take captive those who are brave enough to make the exchange......the mystery and contagiousness of a hug is that it is an exchange....something is released while something else is given.....you can't see it or touch it .....it just happens.

I love a hug that lingers a little longer than intended....long enough for me to RELEASE what I was never intended to carry and RECEIVE what is continuously offered....

May we all search within the Grace of His arms today pursuing that embrace that captures us into eternity.....

Weight of Glory

I don't know about all of y'all but I am a sucker for a good commercial that catches me at the right moment.....

This is one of those commercials.

I love the story in this commercial....it made me think of my friend Courtney who, for a long time, was sole provider to her son with autism....it reminds me of my mom who loves my nephew and has cared for some of his deepest needs when no one else could....it reminds me of my friend Abbey who is about to embark upon parenthood as a foster parent.....and mostly it reminded me that there is no situation too massive that sacrificial, tear-filled, spontaneous and intentional LOVE.... cannot conquer and overcome.....

Thankful today for difficult moments in my life that create tension that screams out that ALL of this in the most difficult and most glorious moments falls painfully short of the eternal weight of glory that will one day be revealed....

P.S. I hope Mass Mutual appreciates my plug!

A Weak Moment

I had a weak moment today.....when I questioned whether I would even take the time tomorrow to vote.  Does my vote matter? Do I know the issues well enough to even make an informed decision? I really don't want to think about ALL the money that was "used" for the side that ends up losing......

I think I'm stuck somewhere between idealism and realism.....desiring and imagining and knowing how things could and will be....yet fully aware of how things are currently.  I know there is a way to get from HERE to THERE......it just sometimes seems like a LOT of work.......

I did reflect today on a term I kept hearing over and over today and that is "your right to vote".  As I've reflected the biggest realization I've had is that when people decide NOT to vote and the overall turnout declines.....then it is possible that the overwhelming majority could quite possibly become pictured as "less of a majority".....

My prayer is that people (like myself) who are feeling apathetic to the situation would turn their face towards their CREATOR and allow Him to remind them of exactly what FREEDOM looks like.....national freedom, political freedom and individual freedom......one day there will be no majority.....only unity.....where voting for the "lesser of two evils" is not the only choice.....that there truly is ONE who will govern in perfect TRUTH and JUSTICE demonstrated by His outpouring of love for His people and that in those moments that entitlement will be replaced with HONOR.....I pray that whoever is elected tomorrow would be filled instantly with a GLIMPSE of that glorious day and work everyday moving towards that country.....

May this weak moment find strength in the knowledge that the HOPE for the future is found ONLY within the grasp of His LOVE......

Rearrange My Focus

Often at random times in my life I've had these moments where I can stand next to people...usually complete strangers....and sometimes sense and actually be overwhelmed by what they might be going through.....

It's kind of weird actually.  To be standing next to a complete stranger and desire to just step into their life...asking them questions that matter....that would reveal (in kind of a weird way) that someone who doesn't know any details or facts or have any preconceived notions about "their situation".....cares about what they might be dealing with....

This situation kind of flipped on me today.  I was having a moment as I was waiting to enter the women's restroom.  I was frustrated....a little emotional having just had an argument with Brandon about circumstances that neither of us have any control over....But while I was waiting to enter the bathroom, a woman walked up behind me....we both stood silent....I could sense that I was mostly likely going to be prompted to talk to her...ask her how her day was, etc  BUT I was in the midst of my own "stuff" and in the midst of my "self-pity"....I realized I had decided I needed HER to ask ME how MY day was going......somewhere between my argument with my husband and my walk to the bathroom....my focus had shifted from all those around me back into myself......and just like that I blocked LIGHT and LOVE from pouring through me....all for the sake of my own "self-pity".

It's "funny" how an argument with someone can take you so quickly to a place far from where you began.  In those moments I took the journey from love-centered family....to tired wife and mom....to nagging wife....to angry wife.....to isolated wife ......to self-centered little girl.....to self-pity.....to coveting......

Where the Lord finally brought me in those sacred moments of waiting in line was to a new place filled with grace....to recognize that as I take my focus off of others and place it onto myself and my current situations.....I immediately get exactly what I want.....me, myself and I and the all the difficulty and heartache that yucky circumstances bring with them..... and let's face it....a 33 year old husband with brain cancer, a strong-willed 3 year old and a dramatic mama is just sometimes a situation that is not all that glamorous!

Focus is key.  For where we focus our eyes and where we focus the desires of our hearts.....there we will find exactly what is present.  I can choose to focus and land on chaos and heart ache and disappointment and frustration......or I can choose to pursue peace and comfort and readiness and joy......

Though I don't always get it right....I do know there is always GRACE to continue in the pursuit...because if I had continued pursuing in those moments waiting in line....I am confident the Lord would have spoken to that lady behind me....He would have given me words of encouragement for her.....but instead He spoke to me....rearranged me for the moment and for that I am thankful, Because within His grace He always brings forth goodness...the moment was not ruined because of my lack of focus.....rather He redeemed those moments and ministered directly to my heart.....revealing to me (AGAIN) that it's about Him...not me.

Feast and Fast

Today we arrived at the infamous Great Wolf Lodge.....whoa!  I seriously still don't know whats going on here....the entire Knight Fam is on (like my friend put it) SENSORY OVERLOAD in a good way....

This place is incredible! We are enjoying every moment of water slides and chicken tenders and magic wands and elevator rides and arcade games and furry friends and real friends and huge fireplaces ....and on and on....

Reminding me that there is a season for EVERYTHING.

There is a season to feast and a season to fast.....oh we are FEASTING.....and thankful for the ONE who brings ALL seasons!

Before, After, Everywhere In Between

  

We recently had all of our carpet ripped out, green tile removed (well some of it...), and opened the floodgates for dust flying everywhere.  It was QUITE a process.  A couple of nights before they started....I started to panic.  I didn't want the mess, where would I cook, how would I ever get it cleaned back up, and of course spending the money....we just don't normally do things like that.....

But that Monday morning, I signed off and they began.  And it truly was a mess and it truly was inconvenient and it truly did disrupt our dinners and our showers and Asher was "forced" to play outside!

But then they were finished and we got it cleaned up and plastic removed and furniture moved back and FINALLY Asher could watch "Curious" again.

It was a process. It was messy.  It took time. It was a disruption to normal, comfortable living.

But it was worth it....

The end of this process isn't the exchange of old floors for new or even possibly an old house for a new one....there is still more to be revealed and the PURPOSES are infinite...

BUT yielding to allow the process to begin has created in us new levels of TRUST...

However, anxious and uncomfortable I was when we began ....I am finding great JOY in walking through ALL of it now....

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."- Philippians 1:6 

Whether we find ourselves in the first picture or the second or somewhere in that NARROW PLACE in between....we can REST knowing He is there....in the destruction, in the rebuilding and EVERYWHERE in between.....

 

Defining Love

We kind of have this tradition for Halloween of creating great trios that we can all participate in the fun......

Curious showing off his tail...

These two made the perfect duo.....

Some said "Wow, Brandon, what a great sport you are...."

Others said, "Who are you, Rachel?"...."I'm PROFESSOR WISEMAN....only TRUE CG enthusiasts (like Asher) can appreciate THE PROFESSOR..."

At the end of the day it wasn't about a daddy who was such a great sport or a mommy who wore funny glasses or a little boy who LOVES Curious......

It's about the love that three people have as a family.  Loving each other to the core. Knowing in a very REAL way that the memories you create today MATTER.  That tomorrow could bring a very new and different reality than today....and that ALL that matters TODAY is did we sacrifice for one another.....did we demonstrate our love TODAY in real, meaningful, silly, big, small, defining ways....because when we do....THE WHOLE WORLD will know that there is truly a God who DAILY gives all of who HE is to make sure we know and experience His love that defines who we are....