Often at random times in my life I've had these moments where I can stand next to people...usually complete strangers....and sometimes sense and actually be overwhelmed by what they might be going through.....
It's kind of weird actually. To be standing next to a complete stranger and desire to just step into their life...asking them questions that matter....that would reveal (in kind of a weird way) that someone who doesn't know any details or facts or have any preconceived notions about "their situation".....cares about what they might be dealing with....
This situation kind of flipped on me today. I was having a moment as I was waiting to enter the women's restroom. I was frustrated....a little emotional having just had an argument with Brandon about circumstances that neither of us have any control over....But while I was waiting to enter the bathroom, a woman walked up behind me....we both stood silent....I could sense that I was mostly likely going to be prompted to talk to her...ask her how her day was, etc BUT I was in the midst of my own "stuff" and in the midst of my "self-pity"....I realized I had decided I needed HER to ask ME how MY day was going......somewhere between my argument with my husband and my walk to the bathroom....my focus had shifted from all those around me back into myself......and just like that I blocked LIGHT and LOVE from pouring through me....all for the sake of my own "self-pity".
It's "funny" how an argument with someone can take you so quickly to a place far from where you began. In those moments I took the journey from love-centered family....to tired wife and mom....to nagging wife....to angry wife.....to isolated wife ......to self-centered little girl.....to self-pity.....to coveting......
Where the Lord finally brought me in those sacred moments of waiting in line was to a new place filled with grace....to recognize that as I take my focus off of others and place it onto myself and my current situations.....I immediately get exactly what I want.....me, myself and I and the all the difficulty and heartache that yucky circumstances bring with them..... and let's face it....a 33 year old husband with brain cancer, a strong-willed 3 year old and a dramatic mama is just sometimes a situation that is not all that glamorous!
Focus is key. For where we focus our eyes and where we focus the desires of our hearts.....there we will find exactly what is present. I can choose to focus and land on chaos and heart ache and disappointment and frustration......or I can choose to pursue peace and comfort and readiness and joy......
Though I don't always get it right....I do know there is always GRACE to continue in the pursuit...because if I had continued pursuing in those moments waiting in line....I am confident the Lord would have spoken to that lady behind me....He would have given me words of encouragement for her.....but instead He spoke to me....rearranged me for the moment and for that I am thankful, Because within His grace He always brings forth goodness...the moment was not ruined because of my lack of focus.....rather He redeemed those moments and ministered directly to my heart.....revealing to me (AGAIN) that it's about Him...not me.
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