We Thank You.....

I looked in my rearview mirror on Saturday afternoon and the picture I saw should have produced a gripping fear in me, but instead I was overcome by deep love.

Brandon's old.... big...old....blue truck had collided with a parked car.  He stumbled out of his truck kind of shocked.  As he walked up to me, I knew the confusion and fear through his blue eyes.  I couldn't imagine what he was thinking so I asked.  There was no explanation.  That's what the officer on the scene said too.  It was an accident.  Pure and simple.  It could have happened to anyone.  Looking at their phone, switching the radio, reaching in the backseat to grab something.  ....

For us though, it has become a crossroads.

 Sitting in the doctor office yesterday, we could see the choice was clear.  What if there had been someone in the car, etc, etc....  He passes with flying colors, all the neurological exams and no changes in the MRI..... but when put into real life....the risks are high.

So starting today I put on my chauffer hat.  I know others will help and we won't be alone.  I hope it doesn't last forever and the issues he is having get better, but if they don't.....how do I reconcile that?  I'm 31 and even if I live only until I'm 61 that's 30 years of driving multiplied by 365 days....that's
 11, 315 days and even if I only drive him somewhere 2 times a day....22,630.  That is overwhelming.

More than I can handle or comprehend.  More than I can bear.  Maybe it seems like no big deal to you.  But stop for a second.....think about how it changes A LOT!

What if I put scripture to the test, though?.....what if Jesus ACTUALLY, LITERALLY meant what He said.....
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."

What if He has AUTHORITY in my life to CALL me to that because He ACTUALLY, LITERALLY did it first.......because that's what I believe.

I actually believe He is the Son of God.  That He came to this earth to show us who God is....what His love is and the power that it holds.  His greatest demonstration of that love was His final act of love....as He denied all His DEITY (not LOSING it....but DENYING), everything that He should have had and the life he should have lived He LAID down....picked up the cross.....carried it.....died on it.....buried in the ground.......so that the LOVE of the FATHER would raise Him up out of that death.....that His resurrection would be the sign to us....that because of His death....we live.

His greatest message to us is that when we deny the life we THINK and DREAM we should have ....and we LAY it down and pick up His life.....He RESURRECTS our life and gives to us more than we could dream or imagine.

So if I say I BELIEVE all of THAT.......and I don't understand ANY of THIS....then the choice is mine.  Once again do I TRUST that He has done it.  That it is finished in Him.  That I will know Him when I follow Him through THIS.  That He will produce in me a deeper capability to LOVE my husband more deeply as I offer to him my life......as I lay it down to serve him......as I drive him anywhere....as an act of the LOVE that lives in me.  I should lay down my life for him.

I totally have the choice.  I can sit in self-pity, asking a million times, WHY my husband can't do this or will never do that and mad because of all the other men, husbands and dads CAN do that.....(and I'm sure I will a million times)....but I will only taste the victory of overcoming JOY when I stop asking why and start saying THANK YOU.

Again and louder....THANK YOU LORD!

 Thank you that I will know JOY through your love as it abounds in my heart to break the chains that can't be broken in the darkness of self-pity.  Thank you that I am only able to do that because of what you did.

It is finished. It is done.

The life You gave, Your body was broken
Your love poured out, You bled and You died for me
There on that cross, You breathed Your last as you were crucified
You gave it all for me
Hallelujah, what a Savior
Hallelujah, what a friend
Hallelujah, King forever
We thank You for the cross
There in the ground, sealed in the darkness
Lifeless laid, the frame of the Father's son
In agony, He watched His only Son be sacrificed
He gave it all for me

But on that day, what seemed as the darkest hour
A violent hope, broke through and shook the ground
And as You rose, The Light of all the world was magnified
And You rose in victory
Hallelujah, it is finished
Hallelujah, it is done
Hallelujah King forever
We thank you for the cross


And though our sins are scarlet
You have made us white as snow
-For the Cross, Bethel


 

Sometimes when I write I just pray.....

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives it’s name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened by power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love ,

May be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,

And to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,

To Him be all the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”

Ephesians 3:14-21

I’m not sure of this stirring that you have begun inside me.  It’s feels at any moment I could burst into tears and simultaneously sing a praise chorus to you, who sits on high.  In all the earth, in all the lands I have never found so deep a love as this.  My heart pours out contempt for the souls that long to know you, yet your grace abounds so freely for them to receive.  If I should stumble in my path of righteousness would you catch my fall?  If I should cease to praise you, will you enter again my heart?  And in all the madness that this world can sustain, will you save us?  Will you begin your redemption right here and right now?  For your word says that you are able to do FAR MORE than we could even think to imagine or ask….and that you will do all of that in an abundance of harvest.  Begin that work, again, today in me….search my heart and find my fear and then bring to the surface the fear that holds me still.

Seek not to destroy my works, but impart to me a renewed vision.  Let me know your ways that I might follow you into the depths of the pit, and that I might see you trample under my feet all that exists to destroy. 

You know me.  Show me who I am. Speak to me in a whisper and in a roar and ask me once again to follow you.  To love you. To love others.  For we know that pure and undefiled religion is to look after the widow and the orphan.  Show me your orphans. Show me your widows.  Protect my heart from their pain and grief.  Let me see it and feel it and touch it, but do not allow it to overcome my heart.  For you have promised us that we can “take heart for you have overcome the world.” 

Remind me over and over ....this is not all that exists.  That beyond what I can see, is a new world and a new life.  That the first born of this creation is You, Jesus.  In all your suffering you left this world and in all your glory you will return, to make new what is broken…to find what is lost….to love what is unloved.

Bring me into your rest and peace today, as I search for you, with longing, within the eyes and hearts of my neighbor.  Amen.

Spring Break 2013: Day 4: A People to Pursue

Scripture: "For I am the LORD your God, who stirs up the sea and its waves roar. 
 I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand, to 

establish the heavens, to found the earth, and to say to Zion,
 'You are My people."

Isaiah 51:15-16

 

Worship: "Furious"- Jeremy Riddle

 Nothing can tear us from
The grip of His mighty love
We’ve only glimpsed, His vast affection
Heard whispers of, His heart and passion
It’s pouring out…


His love is deep, His love is wide
And it covers us
His love is fierce, His love is strong
It is furious
His love is sweet, His love is wild

And it's waking hearts to life

The Father loves and sends His son
The Son lays down His life for all
He lavishes His love upon us
He calls us now, His sons and daughters
He’s reaching out…


… and its waking hearts to life


I heard Brandon's voice today in a message, from a call I missed.
I prayed several times that he would just call back....pursue our conversation until it happened.....but knowing how "conscious" of money my husband is, I knew deep down I would have to wait.

The word PURSUE kept resounding in my heart after that.
There is no greater comfort than knowing that your life has value and worth....that someone values you enough to pursue you.
When I let the words from the song above, set in my heart, that His love is all of those things....that it  is deep and it is wide....that it is fierce and strong and furious....and that we have only caught a glimpse of the vast affection that He has loved us with, pursues us with and saves us unto....
It's so clear that our lives have a weight...a value...worth PURSUING....

Unlike my frugal and considerate husband, our God keeps CALLING....until we answer...and then He continues to speak knowing that .....
The conversation that we have is more important than anything else I desire to pursue.
Because I am His. He is mine.

We are his people.

 



Spring Break 2013: Day 3-It Does Cost Something

Scripture: "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.

This I command you, that you love one another"

-John 15:12-17

 

 

Worship: "Stay and Wait" -Hillsong United (just face it ....it will probably be the album of the week)

 

Who spoke the Earth and sky to form
Who sets the sun and calls the dawn
Who breathed me out of dust to life
With the will to trust or run and hide

 

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You

Who loved me through my rebel way
Who chose to carry all my shame
Who breaths in me with endless life
The king of glory Jesus Christ

 

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You

God of wonder and God of grace
Let my soul stand always to praise You
Fix my eyes on Your perfect way
And I'll never look back

I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You

Who lifts the poor and heals the blind
Who trampled death for all mankind
Who stands for all with arms stretched wide
My King forever Jesus Christ

 

The sermon I heard this morning reminded me AGAIN that there is a definite COST to discipleship.  There is a sacrifice and a price to pay when a person says...yes, I will follow YOU....all the way....loving one another until the very end. 

 He is the one who calls.

He is the one who prepares the way.

He is the one who lights the way.

He is the one who created the path.

As a disciple, follower of Jesus, we KNOW in our minds that this is a "truth"....but when love is put into action and discipleship becomes the way of life, instead of just a program....then that truth penetrates the heart.

The result is what I experienced today.

That it hurts.

It hurts and it is hard.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is drawing you into something that is not what Jesus calls us to.

Today, I truly felt the sting that being apart without knowledge of knowing the when...the when will I hear his voice (and I mean Brandon's voice)!

It was a sting.

 

BUT

I still love the knowledge that because there is a COST there is also a reward.

The fullness of the when and the where and the what of the reward are answers we won't grasp completely.

BUT

we know the exist. Because we know the ONE who created us and the ONE who knew the COST to what He was about to go on mission for and we know the ONE who is reconciling all things back to Himself through the power and the comfort and the guidance of His Holy Spirit.

 

It hurts. It is hard. It is worth it. I have HOPE that He is faithful.

 

Spring Break 2013: Day 2- Unrelenting

Scripture: "He must increase, but I must decrease"

Worship: "Relentless"-  Hillsong United

Salvation sounds a new beginning
As distant hearts begin believing
Redemption's bid is unrelenting
Your love goes on
Your love goes on

Four Generations


You carry us
Carry us
When the world gives way
You cover us
Cover us
With Your endless grace

Creative Perfection


The time is up for chasing shadows
You gave the world a light to follow
A hope that shines beyond tomorrow
Your love goes on
Your love goes on

A bunny craft

A memory



 Your love is relentless
Your love is relentless
Tearing through the veil of darkness
Breaking every chain, You set us free
Fighting for the furthest heart You gave
Your own life for all to see
 
Your love is relentless
Brandon, I am praying you may experience at even greater depths the kingdom principle of "your decrease and His increase".....may you grasp a new fullness of this scripture and the reality of its presence here on earth.
May the team in Honduras witness the breaking of chains, the  pursuit of a of God who fights for the furthest heart, and His relentless love that holds all of us within His grace.
May every one of those children KNOW the God who created them, holds them, and loves them....from this day on....
In the name of Jesus.

Spring Break 2013: Day 1 -War and Trust

Scripture: Joshua 1:8-9

"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

 

Worship: "Love is War"- Hillsong United

In Your justice and Your mercy
Heaven walked the broken road
Here to fight this sinner's battle
Here to make my fall Your own

Honduras Bound


Turn my eyes to see Your face
As all my fears surrender
Hold my heart within this grace
Where burden turns to wonder

Midwest Bound



I will fight to follow
I will fight for love
To throw my life forever
Into the triumph of the Son

Let Your love be my companion
In the war against my pride
Long to break all vain obsession
Till You're all that I desire

Sweet Baby Avery


And I know Your love has won it all
You took the fall
To embrace my sorrows
I know You took the fight
You came and died but the grave was borrowed
I know You stood again
So I can stand with a life to follow
In the light of Your name


My prayer for Brandon is that he is resting, knowing that Asher and I are at PEACE not knowing where he is but trusting the ONE who does know.  Praying every moment his flesh is being crucified that Christ may be made manifest and that the Holy Spirit is washing over all his fears, deep wounds, and setting free all that he still withholds.  For the entire team that they are UNITED....seeing one another in the beauty of the body of Christ that they may pour out all......that they may be guarded from any attempts of the evil one to steal, kill or destroy all that has already been declared in the heavens as FINISHED.....with every step victory is found within souls and families.


 



 

Quality of His Love

This was Asher's FIRST attempt at making his bed ALL by himself....

These are the moments that could begin to produce fear, when your three year old suddenly realizes there are THINGS they can "do" apart from you that seem bigger than themselves...
....

I'm sure ONE day he will look at this picture and think...I definitely "accomplished" that by myself, but the quality was so different from when my mom and dad helped in the process...

I love looking at the picture of this messy bed and pondering all the truths....that at some point we all need to grow up and make our beds no matter how messy or unfinished it appears. Not stopping there, we need to find ways to sustain that work....and the only way to sustain THAT type of work is to rely on the ONE who shows and reveals every good thing we need for accomplishing and sustaining the DAILY work....whether its making the bed or growing in Christlikeness.

Thankful for our eager three year old who will at least TRY....and thankful when he realizes he could still use his Mommy's help!

Thankful I am in a daily abd obgoing relationship with the ONE true God who demonstrated how faithful He is when He begins a good work...He walks alongside until it is not only finished but also weighted by the quality of His love for us.

A Few of His Mercies.....

Full box of Driscoll Raspberries....

A "vintage" picture of Asher...

Precepts Bible Study, Philippians and Joy....

And this new song which has been on repeat..........

Avery Elizabeth

My niece was born yesterday morning. A day to remember that the littlest things and moments can change our lives.....

My prayer for Avery has been that from her very first breath she would know how completely LOVED she is.....

I can't wait to meet her. And watch her grow into all that she has been created for...

Settled? I Hope Not

 It seems like most people want to know right now...where are we living, are we settled,how long will we be here....

Since we sold our house so quickly, we had to scurry to find a temporary place to live and we needed to find it in about a day!  I walked in to my church a couple of weeks ago and saw a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, she had signed up to hear my teaching.  One of my first comments to her was that I would be leaving as soon as I was done and spending the next couple of hours in search of an apartment for us to live in the interim between closing on our house and finding the next one.

She just "happened" to have a townhouse that she desperately needed to sell but graciously offered to rent to us to help us out.

Wow.

I'm not sure if you've had moments like those....where there is NO earthly way to deny that something greater, more powerful, outside of the bounds of our conceptualization of time and resources....and since there is no way in denying that God is moving, and actively working all things out for the good of those who love Him...then the only proper response is to FOLLOW that movement.

And so we did.  We followed my friend to her town home (perfectly distanced between all of our life activities).  We followed the prompting to rent, even if for only three months.  We followed the Spirit as we packed and moved and cleaned.  And now we are continuing to follow the Spirit of God as He prompts us to purchase this home.

So are we settled?  I hope not. We are moved. Boxes are unpacked. Beds are made. The refrigerator is stocked.  But settled?  Nope.

The truth is that I am not sure that we will ever have the feeling of being completely settled or completely comfortable again.  I kind of think God is doing this miraculous thing in our lives....bringing  the Gospel alive in us.  Creating in us a heart that desires more than our comfort.  Creating a heart (not just some words in the book) that is in constant pursuit of becomin a true disciple.  A true follower of Jesus.  Resting and finding contentment right now in this home and the challenges before us, but simultaneously listening and ready for His voice as He called Abram, answering His call as Isaiah and desiring His presence in Jesus.....


"The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you."
-Genesis 12:1

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
-Isaiah 6:8

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."
-Matthew 4:19


When I began this blog, I asked God to reveal in new depths what Paul meant when He said in Philippians....
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being CONTENT in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

He is revealing His ways. Shaking and steadying my world daily, by His all sufficient GRACE. He is FAITHFUL and TRUE.

Same Team

"Christ’s sacrifice was indeed an act of unselfishness, however, it was an act of LOVE first. The successful intent was the salvation of humankind, it was not a side effect on the road to another goal.
As a Christian with a desire to become more like Christ, the goal is not to abstain from as much worldly pleasures as possible and hope that a life of sacrifice will get us entry into heaven. The goal is to receive the good gifts of the Holy Spirit, which enable us to see others the way Christ sees them and to live a life of love, joy and peace."

-William Knelsen

I kind of think this is so true. Valentine's Day was yesterday and the word LOVE was all around our house.  Yet, today at 6:30pm something else attempted to rummage around our house.  It was just a LONG (but GOOD) day, I had to drive a lot of miles that I don't normally drive because of things that were completely out of my control and by the end of it all....I turned inward.

By the time I picked up Brandon from his office at 5:00 I was ready to unleash....and I did.  Everything became his fault....the traffic, the truck repairs (and having to pick it up), having to go to the grocery store, not organizing things CORRECTLY...you know....EVERYTHING was his fault!

As I folded laundry in silence while he rearranged bedroom furniture (correctly)....he finally turned to me and reminded me...."We are on the same team....I love you.".

We love this statement because when things get tough and we just CAN'T seem to communicate no matter how hard we try, because of stress or exhaustion or weariness or whatever.....this simple statement ALWAYS brings us back to home base. It began a couple of years ago and it has never failed us since.

Tonight was no different.

We were back on the same team, free of resentment and anger, as quickly as we had arrived.  As hard as I try, when my head knows but my heart doesn't want to obey, to always put others before me and to TRY to be unselfish.....I still fall short.....when my goal is anything other than LOVE through the good gifts that the Holy Spirit gives....I will never see the fullness of all that He intends for my spirit to SEE and I will continue to abide on the other team....MY OWN TEAM OF ONE.

"We are on the same team...I love you."  Just try it......

I AM....Love

I want to be close, close to your side
Where heaven is REAL and death is a lie
I want to hear voices of angels above
Singing as one

Hallelujah, Holy Holy
God Almighty, The Great I Am
Who is worthy, none besides Thee
God Almighty, The Great I Am

Lyrics From-"The Great I Am"

On this Valentine's Day my heart was there....in that place where fear is no longer present and peace abounds so that love may be the reality.

Thankful today for Abe Lincoln, this handsome smile, Thai food and the Great I Am.....just to name a few....

Behind and Forward

It is FINISHED....Abilene Court is officially SOLD and we are officially moved!
Sunday afternoon, our little family, spent some time saying goodbye to every room (and closet...per Asher's request)....we each shed tears in our own time realizing no matter how exciting, adventurous or certain the future seems.....goodbye will always be hard.
But hard as they are, they are not without purpose.

Paul says it best in Philippians 3....
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the UPWARD CALL OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS"  

I loved that house.  I love that it was our first major purchase together and that we learned the joys and pains of painting tall ceilings and scraping wall paper.  I love that I learned to cook in the kitchen and clean in the bathrooms.  I love that we brought home our first son to a beautiful and peaceful nursery and that we learned to swaddle on our living room floor at 3am. I love that we were blessed with enough space to host our families for holidays and birthday parties.  I love that we cried our eyes out together in our bedroom the day a brain tumor was revealed and simultaneously prayed that healing was in our path.  I love that we taught Asher to walk, talk, ride a bike, kick a soccer ball, shoot a basket and pray.

I love that house.  I love those memories.
But the TRUTH is that I love Jesus more.  I love that He calls us forward by His gentle Spirit preparing us in truth and righteousness to love more deeply.

I will give up anything to follow that call.
"...forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead..."

Where we brought Asher home from the hospital

Where we welcomed many guests

Our first home improvement project and we survived!

The last load

Edify

Yesterday, my mom and I had one of the best lunches we've had in a long time. For the past three years, if we went to lunch we were always accompanied by, at least, two other little bodies, Asher and Brody.

And the years previous to that there was just no strength in the communication of our relationship. One of us, at some point, would offend the other and the lunch would be done.

If you have a great relationship and always have, with your mom....this might not relate to you. Or if you live in the same town, and lunch dates with your mom are a regular event....you probably won't relate either.
But since our history has always consisted of one or both of the above mentioned.....yesterday was a day I will always remember and a day that I can honestly say has been a deep prayer.

The stars just aligned since I decided to make the trip without my boys
and Brody spent the day at school...it was my mom and I all day.

The highlight was our hour and a half lunch at the Thai Time Cafe. It consisted of Jasmine tea and the lovely dish pictured below....but most importantly our conversation held the weight that would choose to edify one another. As we listened to each other, I realized that the Holy Spirit was dwelling within both of us ....where there was tension in our topics there was also GRACE to hear words coming from the very heart of God and to respond in faith.

Yesterday, God continued to heal both of us....He showed us where we have been, where we are headed but most importantly.....through all the junk.... He had never forsaken us....His grace which drowns both of us daily has carried us through....

....from darkness to light....from chaos to peace....from tearing down to building up.....from anger to deep, abiding love for one another.

Today, I can only hope that one day there will be more days than not when I get to share lunch and life and the power of Christ within relationship with my mom!

Heeyyy

It's always fun when you run into a good friend unexpectedly! You stop and say HEEYYY, play on the playground for a minute, and eat a little bite before saying good-bye again...

I love running into good friends and apparently so does my son! It is an amazing feeling to be reconnected, because we were created for relationships and without them we shrivel. Our connections to others and nature allow us to continue to experience God through the lense of His creation....

I am so thankful today for every connection I am blessed by each day....
May we know and experience the grace of our Lord within a simple ......HEEEYYY!

With Perseverance

It was a LONG but GOOD week and weekend!!!! These two pictures very clearly illustrate our weekend.....

"But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance."
-Luke 8:15

May we always long for His grace that builds perseverance in us.

Fear or Faith

"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth.

This wisdom is not that which comes down from above,

but is earthly, natural, demonic.

For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist,

 there is disorder and every evil thing.

But the wisdom from above is first pure,

 then peaceable,

gentle,

 reasonable,

 full of mercy and good fruits,

 unwavering,

without hypocrisy.

 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace"

-James 3:14-18

I was in a conversation today and something became so clear to me.

One of those moments when the word of God becomes very real and very practical. 

It was this.....in any given situation we always have a choice.  We all know that.  Sometimes we make decisions and choices based off of the foundation of ....

is this right or wrong,

 but the more life you experience and the deeper and richer one's relationships become,  we, sometimes,  realize that the answer is not so clear. 

We can also make decisions based on what we see,

a kind of PROs and CONs approach. 

We LOOK with our eyes at what lies before us and choose that which makes the MOST sense. 

The problem with this approach is that it is very one dimensional.  It is hard to make a list that could accurately illustrate ALL the aspects of a circumstance, becuase the truth is that we don't know them.

What became so clear to me today is that a BETTER way (not the only way) to make a decision,..... is to ask the question: FEAR or FAITH?

If I had to boil it down and simplify what these two words mean, this is what I would say.....

What is fear?  The absence of peace.  What is faith? The presence of peace.

Well, what is peace? Resting in a relationship with God

Well, how do I rest in a relationship with God? Repentance and Belief

What is repentance?  Changing your mind about how you do things

What is belief? Humbling yourself within the love and grace and sovereignty of God as He reveals Himself through Jesus and His Holy Spirit

The scripture above reminds me that what I seek is wisdom from above.

It tells me with confidence that I can KNOW that kind of wisdom by these characteristics:

   pure,

 then peaceable,

gentle,

 reasonable,

 full of mercy and good fruits,

 unwavering,

without hypocrisy.

Why would I seek anything else?

More times than not, I let my circumstances dictate my decisions.

I allow what I SEE to determine how I will respond.

But, after today, I am confident that my choice: FEAR or FAITH will be the attribute that defines what I experience.

In FEAR, I am weighed down.

In FAITH, I am free.

I am free to experience the power that comes when I choose to allow God's power to move through my life.

I choose FAITH not based on my circumstances but I choose FAITH based upon Him

He is about who He is...and within the playing out of the glorification of His name..... 

is His affection for my life and for yours.

Be the Center

King of glory, be the center 
King of glory, You'll be the prize 
 We shall have no other treasure 
All that counts is You lifted high
-Matt Redman

Here are two different moments in my life....one this past week and one this past summer of the same type of picture
 I love gazing upon the sun at the core of these trees.
Reminding me what is at the core of my life.

Sometimes we have to declare, like the lyrics above that nothing else will take this place...
Nothing else will be able to grasp our attention
Nothing else will be our treasure.
It's FINE to have to declare this, just as we would sing a chorus or a bridge of a song over and over...sometimes we have to CHOOSE to declare something over and over until it becomes part of us....

King of glory, be the center 
King of glory, You'll be the prize 
 We shall have no other treasure 
All that counts is You lifted high

   



 

Sold Yet?

Last Saturday seems so far away!  That was the first day we put our house on the market and last night we signed an offer....a good offer....one that ONLY the Lord could have orchestrated 

(if it all works out I will definitely share ALL the details)!

I think I am kind of in shock.  It's one of those things that you have been anticipating for so long and declaring that it is for purposes that you can't imagine or see....but at the same time you still wonder in that deep, hidden place..."will this really happen....was that REALLY God speaking and guiding?"

And then you decide to take courage and trust and take a step towards it....

And then it does happen.  And it is affirmed.  And the only thing left to do is to experience MORE faith in the ONE who says He is faithful.  He is faithful even when we are faithless.  

We realize that He increases our faith in Him.

There is nothing to muster up.

Faith is BELIEVING that He is who He says He is and will do ALL that He says He will do.

We simply hear through relationship with Him.

We obey.

He gives us faith.

And then what pours out of us is our love for Him.

Our worship.

There is no sold sign yet, but I have realized I don't need one. 

 I don't need the miracle of the sale of a house to trust Him, because He has already affirmed in me....

He is with me.

My heart that recognizes I have  been purchased by His love.

My YES to Him allows Him to show me MORE of who He is....I long for that.

"Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; 

if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us;  

if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself."

2 Timothy 11-13

....

Train Me Now

"All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful;yet those who have been TRAINED by it, afterwards it yields the PEACEFUL FRUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS.

THEREFORE, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is LAME may not be put out of joint, but rather BE HEALED.

Pursue peace with ALL men, and the sanctification without which NO ONE WILL SEE THE LORD."

-Hebrews 12:11-14

Back in the day, when I lived mostly for myself and for seeking my own pleasure and comfort and glory.....I ALWAYS had in the back of my mind that ONE day I would pay for all of those choices.  Somewhere, within the course of my life, this idea had been formed that I was CHOOSING something that was in opposition to what I was created to CHOOSE.

I have no formal education in the theology of ANYTHING.  What I do have are my experiences, fruit of my own personal study and the invaluable Spirit of God that dwells within me to renew and guide my thinking.  I say all of that just to preface what I am about to say. 

Walking through brain cancer is discipline for Brandon and I.  

Discipline that trains us to follow the path of righteousness instead of the path we would so easily take.

God did not create an ugly, nasty tumor and put it in Brandon's brain (nor am I saying that all disease is for the purpose of discipline)....but He has allowed it come into our lives and He has allowed it to stay.  And when  He wants it to leave.....He has all the power to command it to do so.

For now though,  it serves Him and His purposes.....to create in us a clean and pure heart.....hearts that pursue PEACE and desire RIGHTEOUSNESS even between moments of doubt....hearts that will dwell forever within the grip of His Glory.

Brandon, said tonight....."We never lock eyes with someone who isn't carrying  SOMETHING..."

Those SOMETHINGS are what connect humanity as we walk together between the already and not yet.  THEY are what HE longs to work together for our GOOD and HIS GLORY.

They are what train us in discipline.  They are what push us into places where we must make a choice. 

 They are what Christ carried, died for and conquered with the HOPE of ALL that laid beyond.

Just reminding myself tonight that He is the author and perfecter of my faith.  He fiercely pursues me, continuously, because He is faithful, making sure that I am prepared for all that lies beyond.

He is worthy to be praised!

This Little Face

I can never get enough of this FACE!

He trusts me so much.

When I look at him, I know that nothing short of  ALL OF ME  has to be surrendered.

I need wisdom.  I need grace. 

I need the Lord to teach me how to love more

So that I may lavish upon this little munchkin....a love that is deep, wide, fierce, strong, furious, sweet, wild...

A love that will continue to awaken his heart into life!

I love you munchkin!

Humbled to Grow

Asher's first dance class this week reminded me....being teachable is a requirement for growth and to be humble is the requirement for a heart that is teachable.

As we humble ourselves, may we receive His GRACE to hear and understand and to see and perceive.

Guarded By Peace

I wasn't sure back in October, when Brandon and I looked face to face and declared  to each other that each next step we took would take us towards putting this sign in our yard....I wasn't sure if it would REALLY happen.

But it has happened.

I don't think that every believer is called to sell their house, look for a smaller one, and use their resources (time, money, etc) differently....but we have been called to just that. 

We don't know IF we will actually get a contract and sell our house.  We don't know where we will move.  We don't know how long any of it will take.

But it just doesn't matter, because within us we have the PEACE that Paul writes about in Philippians...."And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"....we have it. 

It was given the day Brandon went in for surgery....and has been available everyday since.....the full assurance that He is so very much leading us...is our PEACE.

The thing about that scripture is that it is encapsulated with some other very valuable words...

REJOICE ALWAYS.  Let your GENTLE SPIRIT be known. Be anxious for NOTHING. Pray.

And the peace of God (which is transcendent and not able to be comprehended) will serve as the GUARD of your mind and heart.

What I have found His PEACE to guard me from is FEAR.

With eyes wide open, arms extended, and feet prepared.....that is how we will choose to walk as we discover by faith...

 WHAT IS NEXT!

No Shortcuts

"Aim at softness and ease in your performance of a dance.

Endeavor that all shall be harmonious.
However hard you work at your lessons or at rehearsals,
let none of this effort be visible in your performance.
There must be no sign of concentration, exertion, or tension.
All must be free and natural.
For the true art is that which conceals the labor that produced it."

-Enrico Cecchetti

I teach and study a classical method of ballet called The Cecchetti Method.  It's a very controversial topic of conversation when it comes to classical ballet training because there are so many different schools of thought.  I personally don't think any of them are necessarily BETTER than the other, I truly think it depends upon the dedication, gifting and experience of the teacher paired with the same of the individual student.

  But I do love this method!  I love the clarity and structured curriculum if offers.  I love it's history. 

 I love that it takes time to reap rewards. 

 There are so many issues today that seek to find a shortcut. Dance training is one of those.  There seems to be a faster way to accomplish what should take years.  I love that this method of classical training provides some restraint, so that a young dancer with big dreams has to walk daily within the bounds of discipline.  The reward a dancer ultimately seeks is the performance.  Those opportunities to display all of the fruit of the daily, disciplined training.  Most dancers get many chances to perform, but not every dancer is able to experience those performances that set her free.

Every dancer at some level is continually seeking that moment where everything becomes free and natural.  It's where the essence of GRACE abounds.  Those are the moments that inspire.  Those are the performances that are remembered.  Those are the times when TRUE ART of a dancer  is revealed.

"For the true art is that which conceals the labor that produced it."

And when I think about my Savior and the GRACE that those moments over the course of three days, created I am always humbled, grateful, unable to fully comprehend the depths of darkness and the  demands of the cross.....But when I look to the sign and message that His resurrection produces within me...it is there where I see the TRUE ART of the cross.  It's in the REALITY of the resurrection that I see the TRUE ART of our God.

This is where ALL things are found free and natural..... restored and revealed in the JOY of His labor.

"...who for the JOY set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:2

There is no shortcut to those freedom producing performances for a dancer.  There was no shortcut past the cross to the throne.  And there remains no shortcut to our freedom... our freedom is revealed within the daily, disciplined relationship.

...

 

Show Me the Layers

Because my last few days have been consumed with one to two tasks per day of "cleaning out the junk" in our house, I really have to continue right there.  It is so strange, when I declared that perhaps 2013 would be the year of cleaning out the junk, something happened, everything shifted and now EVERYTHING seems to be about cleaning!

The daily jobs have ranged from the kitchen pantry to bookshelves to drawers of clothes to my FAVORITE so far, which was THAT drawer in my bathroom vanity.  I think I am talking to the ladies here and I am hoping that a lot of you can relate......

THAT drawer is the one where all the old makeup, makeup remover, lotion, nail polish, bobby pins, hair ties, cotton balls...it's basically my Wal-Greens/CVS drawer....it's that drawer where all those things live within the transition of almost- gone -but not ready- for- the trash- so I'll just throw them in THAT drawer.  THAT drawer is scary.  I've had this particular drawer in every house I've ever lived in....

 I avoid it.  For as long as I can....

As I sat on the bathroom floor today and opened the drawer, I took a deep breath, reached in and began.  The first layer was relatively easy to get rid of because there were very familiar products.  Those go to items when I've run out of something and haven't made it to the store yet. Bottles of facial cleanser that did the job for a day or two, but could never serve a purpose for longer and a lotion that could satisfy the dryness of my skin but that I couldn't stand the smell of.....

The second layer was a little trickier.  Not because I loved the items more but because they had sat in that sad drawer.... unused, dormant and literally oozing with junk.  It was so easy to throw these away but getting through the dried lotion, hardened nail polish, and matted cotton balls was just...... gross!

But the third and FINAL layer, was by far my  favorite.  You know the picture.  All the bottles are gone, you've fought the last bobby pin and the drawer is finally empty.....yet what remains is nasty film on the bottom of the drawer.....the part that has been neglected the most.... the part that hasn't seen the light of the bathroom in a very long time.....the part that needs the most time and care and requires more than just soap and water.  It took some deep, gentle scrubbing but most  importantly...... TIME.

And as I gave that drawer it's due time... He spoke to me....
 As I scrubbed the bottom of that drawer clean and as I write now.....He is speaking....

My love runs deeper than you can imagine.  My blood cleanses what you could never cleanse yourself.  My Holy Spirit is searching the places of you that are unknown even to your own human spirit. How I long to make all things new. Those deepest places take more work and more time than you could ever imagine....

.....but for Me a day is like a thousand years.   

It is NOTHING for Him.  Yet, EVERYTHING for us.

Just as THAT drawer could not clean itself....neither can I......

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21

All and Enough

There is no denying who He is. If I ever question who He is, the power He holds, what His purpose is and was and always will be and where He is.....may I fall into Paul's words from Colossians 1.

"HE is the image of the invisible God, 

the firstborn over ALL creation.  

For by Him ALL things were created; 

things in heaven and on earth, 

visible and invisible,

 whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; 

ALL things were created by HIM and for HIM.

And HE is the head of the body, the church; 

HE is the beginning and the firstborn of all the dead, 

so that in EVERYTHING 

He might have the supremacy.

For God was pleased to have ALL the fullness dwell in Him, 

and through Him to reconcile to Himself.... ALL things, 

whether things on earth 

or things in heaven,

by making PEACE

through His blood

shed on the cross."

-Colossians 1:15-20

In this world, where there are so many "ideas" of who He is.....

What this verse reveals to me...

We have no idea who HE is....

There is no box to put Him in...no sentence to describe Him exhaustively.....

No phrase to wrap around Him and tie Him up in a pretty little bow.....

There is only a relationship;

A relationship which He initiated and gave His life for.

A relationship born through His Spirit.

A relationship sustained by His faithfulness.

A relationship which will reveal in all of time.....

 He is enough.

Clean Out the Junk

It's been three days since I've written and I can't stand it.  I had such great intentions of putting a lovely picture of Brandon and I and another one of Asher and writing a cute New Year's Eve entry, which would most likely have documented this last year.  But several hours before midnight sickness set in.....I was asleep on the couch tossing and turning while Asher and Brandon brought in the NYC New Year at 11:00pm!

And then yesterday, I was sure God would honor all of my desires to begin prepping our house to put it on the market....cleaning out closets, throwing out junk, organizing....stuff.  I had even greater intentions to attempt to write something beautiful about the upcoming year.....

But here I am this evening, thinking about this day.  A beautiful day filled with cleaning out my master bedroom closet.  I wish I had taken a picture.  I thought about it....but was entirely TOO embarrassed to show you all my junk!  Five bags to goodwill, two bags of garbage, four plastic container bins and about a gazillion empty hangers and the junk is GONE.

 And the closet isn't very big!

As I was in the midst of the mess, the thought came over me... actually words Brandon had spoken at the onset of the idea of selling our house came into our focus.....

"All of  THIS just weighs me down."

I couldn't understand at the time, not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't see.  I am sure I asked him things like..."What do you mean by THIS?....Do you mean the house, the yard, the garage, the tumor.....what exactly is THIS???"  I think I thought if I could pinpoint what the THIS was, then I could come up with an answer.  But the truth is that he didn't know what the THIS was either.  Just a prompting from within.

 Today, I could see. 

My stomach was actually nauseated by the amount of stuff I had acquired in a tiny closet over the course of six years.  Don't get me wrong....I'm not saying that nice clothes and beautiful shoes are the source of all things wrong in this world....but what I am saying is that there is a time to PURGE.  There is a time when we accumulate too much physically, emotionally, and mentally.....and it was time, today, to say good-bye.

Maybe that is what 2013 will be for me.  The year of letting go of things that I have held onto for so long.  I don't have anything in mind, necessarily.  A lot of you might say...."Rachel, chill out....not everything is spiritual...not everything is about God....just because you cleaned out your closet doesn't mean you need to clean out your life..."

Maybe you are right.  But maybe, this is a prompting.  Maybe everything IS spiritual.  Maybe God speaks to us even through the act of cleaning out a closet. Maybe I was embarrassed to show you my closet full of junk because I am embarrassed to show Him my "closet full of junk".....

I think this year, 2013, I will let Him draw me closer, guide me further, search me deeper, cleanse me in more purity, prepare me for more richness, nurture me with more love, reveal to me with more clarity, capture me with a tighter grip....that within me may be a place where His Holy Spirit may continue to dwell in more and more power.....whatever all of that means....that is my prayer!


".....in him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."
-Ephesians 2:21-22 


Happy New Year!  Here's to 2013 and cleaning out some junk!