Just Listen

"You don't need to be colossal
To be a great heart"

-Erik

I often spend a lot of time in self-promotion to others, displaying my narcissism very loudly. Seriously.  How many times have you been with someone and you are telling this amazingly, adorable story about your dog or your cat or your husband or wife or child....and the person listening gives not a single word to your story except to match it or beat it with one of their own?!

That, unfortunately, is me....more times than not.  Why can't I just listen, ask more questions., laugh louder...ultimately care MORE about their life than about my own?.....  Even if I have heard their stories a million times and even if they never stop talking and even if  I never get to tell one of my AMAZING stories...

This isn't a place to stay but rather a place to grow from, I know that! And I can admit that it has been something the Lord has worked in me for a long time.  In some conversations, it is easy, natural, and desirable to listen rather than speak....but in others I find myself practicing that beautiful fruit of the Spirit.....self-control!

".but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappear"- 1 Corinthians 13:10

It's important that we share our stories. Those stories that demonstrate His love and mercy and grace that have created and formed who we are today.  And it is so fun to brag about our kiddos and all their amazing gifts and talents. But, for me today, the burden of my heart is to know better the person standing right in front of me.....so that I may speak the word of life into them but also that I may receive from them His word through their life!

 

With Us

I love my nephew...
He is definitely one of my heroes! Already in his life, he has overcome more than any 3 year old should have to endure. But wherever he is ...there is joy. A joy that is so pure. He truly shows those around him how to love and receive love....sloppy kisses and all!

May the next 3 years of his life be filled with immeasurable joy....and with each STEP may he know the ONE who gives overcoming power and who is always with him and each of us....EMMANUEL!

Visions of His Majesty

May visions of sugar plums dance through your head.....

AND

May you KNOW His majesty and His grace ...the majesty of our Lord and our Savior....Jesus Christ....that HE is ALL in ALL!

Merry Christmas to ALL!!!!
Love from The Knights:)

Make Em' Laugh

We took some family pictures today and I was fortunate to catch this moment.

Brandon took a moment to remember his high school senior pictures.

You remember this pose from Olan Mills.

Hand on the knee-lean forward-chin turned-head inclined.....

I love this guy.

Never a dull moment.

He has a way of taking all my serious moments,

and making me laugh through them!

Cheers to the people who are created to make people smile and laugh!

Cheers to my ridiculously handsome, funny and charming husband who is always able to make me smile!

Glad They Were Wrong

 There are days when I wish it truly was the end.  

That all of "this" as we know it would wrap up and the newness which we are promised would find it's way to earth in all it's glory.

But today wasn't one of those days.  

Today, I am glad "they" were wrong.

 If the world had ended today, I would have missed so many of these moments.  And, though, I am convinced that one second in an eternity filled with the fullness of the glory of our creator, would be more than enough to satisfy my every desire and need.

I am certain that the moments we are blessed with in this life are from Him and that they are gifts of His nature...displaying His goodness and His love within His people.

If the world had ended today, here is what I would have missed.......

A cobb salad for lunch with my dad and Asher

Saying Bon Voyage to this beautiful friend

Asher's first pair of Air Jordans

This face as he realized he had just inherited an Ipad Mini

 

Enjoying my dad



Didn't you have moments today? Moments that produced JOY within....life-giving moments....
HE is faithful, true, and honest.....for when Jesus said....

"Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place.
Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.
But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. "
-Matthew 24:34-36

  .....He meant it...

May we live lives that produce the fullness of His joy within us while waiting in anticipation of all that is yet to be restored and redeemed.

Value

 I thought about value, a lot today.....It started when I decided to go ahead and get my haircut instead of waiting until I was back in Pittsburg.  I thought at first I could have saved some time and money by waiting, but at the last minute this morning I decided there wasn't much VALUE in waiting...better to do it now...

A haircut later and I was on my way home.  I reached across to the passenger seat to pick up my phone that had dropped to the floor.... BAM! Right up on the curb. Tire busted.  I am now rolling into the nearest parking lot to await some roadside assistance.

My first phone call was going to be fun.  Yep, you guessed it...made to my handsome, frugal, sensible, -never-to-reach-across-the seat-while driving-husband.  Yeah. Fun.

Except, he was awesome. 

A few years ago, this would have lasted weeks.  I would have felt awful and he would have made sure that I felt his disappointment.  But today was different.  Today, he used his moments  to encourage me...push me on......and set me back on path.

You can't assign VALUE to a husband who knows what his purpose in a marriage is.....as Paul writes in Ephesians...."Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...."

Today, there was more value in Brandon LOVING me towards himself....that he might be able to delicately show me where I made a HUGE mistake....instead of pushing me away by manifesting his disappointment in me.

Because he chose to love me towards him today, I saw Christ in him.  I witnessed in the flesh what Christ desires above all else......to give His love and experience us as we receive.  Within that relationship we do see ourselves for who we are...far from perfect....far from His perfection ..very capable of falling down over and over....but worthy to be loved...worthy to be straightened out and set back on path.

I'm not sure about the total amount that I racked up today (I am sure Brandon can show you the spreadsheet if you want to know).....and I wish I could always see my husband in that light (without zeros behind numbers).... but I am thankful that His GRACE is always within reach...to open our eyes and see our circumstances and relationships with His focus on value, which is weighed on His scales within a kingdom where His righteousness reigns.

Thank you to my husband who not only preaches but practices Christ's love.







Better is the poor who walks in his integrity Than he who is crooked though he be rich.

Aim for Imperishable

I can't imagine how far away this basket seems to Asher. Every time he looks at it, before he aims his shot...I just wonder what goes through his mind.

It's a long distance from his growing hand to that 10 foot basket.

But he amazes me.

He just keeps shooting.

After a few missed shots, there are sometimes moments of defeat....where he throws himself to the ground and rolls around declaring "I will NEVER make the basket."

But I know the TRUTH.

One day it will go through the hoop.  He will score those two points.  The crowd will cheer or perhaps no one will see....and all his efforts, all his labor....will not have been done in vain.

And so it is for us.

May we continue to labor within His grace, within His gift of salvation....

Knowing that as we aim higher, straighter, closer....even when we feel like throwing ourselves to the ground and declaring that there is no possible way to move forward....that we will move forward and when we do...

His Kingdom will draw nearer to us.

 

"Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable."

-1 Corinthians 9:25

New

At Thanksgiving time, we took Asher and my nephew to get their pictures taken with Santa at the mall.  After the picture, was playing in the play area and riding on all the miniature transportation rides and a little girl yelling..."Asher, Asher...my friend Asher!"

It was a friend from his preschool class....that day I met Anni, her husband Zari, and their daughters Sarai and Aimee.  They are refugees from Iran, natives of Armenia and have lived in Dallas for 5 years.  In an instant we made a connection and our family was drawn to theirs through their warm, spirit and beautiful eyes.... and we became new friends.

This morning Anni and I spent hours drinking coffee and eating pastries.....she told me about Iran and her family and I helped her with her English....we shared stories of how we met our husbands and I held and squeezed and kissed her eighteen month old

This past week has been long and hard and at times dark.....but this morning reminded me that with each new dawn there are new mercies all around.  That our daily responsibility is to lay ourselves before the throne and walk into each moment receiving the feast that has been prepared for us....

"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail,

They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, 

To the person who seeks Him."

Lamentations 3:22-25

May we wait for Him in each moment, seek Him when the way seems hidden from our view and delight in His faithfulness.....so that we may experience the JOY that each NEW mercy brings into our lives!


Anni

New Friends

 

Yummy coffee in her "sexy" cups

No Better Time

Asher sat next to me on the couch as we watched the President give his speech at the Newtown Memorial Service.   Brandon asked if we should turn the channel....should we shield him from this evil and sadness.....Seriously, y'all the ONLY brain tumor related doctor appointment that Asher has been to is the very first one....where we received diagnosis and knowledge of surgery.

I've wanted to shelter him from it all.  Daddy's head was hurt, the doctors fixed it, and now daddy takes medicine....this is what he knows.

So my initial response was to shelter him from this....but I can't.  And what I realized is that I want him to find out about good and evil, right and wrong, despair, sickness, death, and HOPE right here in our home.

So he watched.

 I knew towards the end I needed to give him an idea of what we were listening to.....taking courage I explained that a sad boy walked into a school with a gun....and with that very bad decision there came a lot of consequences.

Asher looked at me with his big blue eyes (because he KNOWS about bad choices and consequences) and then  he looked back to the television to stare at our President and his response was perfect.....

"We should pray.  Let's pray."

Tears flooded my eyes, the air grew still and sacred and we all grew intent as the President began to call the sweet children and adults by name:
Charlotte, 6
Daniel, 7
Rachel, 29
Olivia, 6
Josephine, 7
Ana, 6
Dylan, 6
Dawn,47
Madeline, 6
Catherine, 6
Chase, 7
Jesse, 6
James, 6
Grace, 7
Anna Marie, 52
Emilie, 6
Jack, 6
Noah, 6
Caroline, 6
Jessica, 6
Avielle, 6
Lauren, 30
Mary, 56
Victoria, 27
Benjamin, 6
Allison, 6


Asher, you are so right....."WE SHOULD PRAY. LET'S PRAY."

There is no better time.

TOGETHER

 My initial response to this day.....one of saddest days that our nation has ever seen....was that WE are all in this TOGETHER.....

After the shock wears off, our sentiments of grief to the mourning families will turn to anger and rage....we will want justice....we will want answers...we will demand that our government make a way to ensure that this never happens again......

But that will never bring us the peace that our souls desire.  One thing I am certain of is that this world will never answer our questions and it will never guarantee our security..  I guess to some people that may produce FEAR and ANXIETY and APATHY.....but mostly within in me, I pray it will produce an ever growing COMPASSION for victims of any injustice and an ANTICIPATION for what has been PROMISED and SECURED through the life and death and resurrection of the one true God....Jesus our Messiah. 

We are merely passing through.....journeying for something that we can only glimpse upon while yearning for the fullness of all that we experience.   My prayer will be steadfast.....that a people will be formed in that small town in Connecticut....a people who are poor in spirit....humbled in His presence....receiving of His healing and restoration....that they may be forever changed....that they may be a LIGHT to a nation who has forgotten that our God is the Alpha and the Omega....beginning and the end....that they may confess with their mouths that within His presence DEATH loses it's sting.....because it has already been swallowed up.

May we gaze upon our Creator and worship Him for this beautiful promise.....as we mourn TOGETHER......




"Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. 

But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.

NEVER again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; he who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere youth; he who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed. 

 They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.No longer will they build houses and others live in them, or plant and others eat. For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people; my chosen ones will long enjoy the works of their hands. 

They will not toil in vain or bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them

.Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. 

The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, but dust will be the serpent's food. They will neither HARM nor DESTROY on all my HOLY mountain.....

.....SAYS THE LORD"
-Isaiah 65:17-25

Prone to Wander

Don't we all love that old hymn..."Come Thou Fount"....my favorite line that makes me want to grab my heart out of my chest when I sing....

"Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above"

Looking at this picture of Asher, I REALLY realized that is is so in our nature to wander.

Asher could have been looking straight ahead, gazing in anticipation to where he was headed...

instead of looking around to where he COULD go.  

And I admit I used to struggle so much when I first came to know the Lord, with glancing in the wrong direction.....wanting to desperately know and continue to experience what I might be missing....what MIGHT be outside of ALL of "this"....

 At those times, my desperate cries sounded like the above lyrics.....Lord, HERE IS MY HEART....nothing in me wants to follow what your WORD says....but HERE take it ...seal it....continue to show me who YOU are...HELP ME walk in your ways and be obedient to your word and to love you with everything I am...

What I want to tell him everyday is this...

Asher, look straight ahead...listen with a clear and devoted heart....be obedient even when you don't want to...ask the Lord to help you when it gets hard...and walk into the destiny that awaits you.

(oh...... and there are cookies too)!

3yr old Preschool Christmas Program

YAY, More Chemo!

Sometimes all you can do is laugh.

Last night, Brandon started his 3rd month of daily chemotherapy.  What I am laughing about is our conversation about how ALL of this continues to unfold as some ridiculously painful meets ridiculously redeemed plan.

If you ask Brandon about his perspective on the "treatment"...this is what you will get...

It started as 5 days of treatment with 23 days of rest...for eighteen months...well, no lets make that twenty-four months they said.....yay! ... finished, completed May 2012.  What followed was 4 months of nothing except a beautiful summer!  Then, BAM, precautionary treatment for something that is truly undiagnosed....but instead of that silly 5 days on 23 days off regimen (that you handled so well)...lets do EVERYDAY at 140mg.  At the last MRI....everything looked good....stable....even some improvement in walking and balance....great...keep moving towards that 365 day goal....except....well, now lets do 155mg instead of 140mg....Yay, More Chemo!

And so we laugh.  We laugh, because Brandon confessed that found himself becoming "comfortable" at 140mg....thinking and speaking...."I" can do this...."I" can handle this....."I" can overcome this 365 days....

How many times will He show us..."It's not about the tumor.  It never has been."

As we chatted last night, we knew there is still SO MUCH OF "US" in "US".  So much PRIDE....in our thinking, knowing, and walking within the comfort of what "WE" can do and accomplish. 

I am not saying this is a lesson that everyone has to be taught, but for us .....it is so clear....we DESIRE comfort in what WE can accomplish and acheive and overcome. We want to "DO" even within a deep understanding of His GRACE....we still want to "DO".
 Our dependency on Him, our increased faith in Him, our heightened awareness of His sovereignty are being produced within us....but this LAUGHTER opened us up AGAIN (haven't we learned this yet???) to see that He does not desire to move us from a place of comfort to a place of discomfort to another place of comfort....His desire is that we CONTINUOUSLY run into the only sustainable comfort....Himself....

EVERYTIME.

This isn't a blog to bring about any feelings within any reader...this is for us...Brandon and I....to remind us as we look back....that nothing short of complete and daily dependence upon Him will sustain and satisfy and bring the peace and contentment that Paul speaks to...."'Therefore, I am WELL CONTENT with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

May our desire be ...to be well content ....confident that He is longing to work through the lowest, darkest, weakest places within us....

That is the Truth

 "But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God." - Acts 20:24


Sometimes I get the urge to APOLOGIZE ahead of time for any harsh statements I might make.  I know for sure that people who I walk with today and people whom I've walked with in other seasons.....have probably found themselves in an annoyed place with me.....asking me a question and desiring an honest response...and receiving an honest response....

Often, I don't want to be able to see the answer or even to be the bearer of the answer....but TRUTH is TRUTH.  We can run from it all we want......and deny it if we choose....but the TRUTH is a constantly, consistent reality.

What I have learned through my daily, intimate walk with the Lord is.....that though He created me with a purpose to UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT with a heart wide open TRUTH in any given situation....He is also creating and shaping me to be able to dialogue, communicate and even understand TRUTH with new and different eyes.....

The difference for me has been to think about TRUTH as 360 degrees.....with a different perspective with each look.  Thinking about Luke 15 and the harsh TRUTH Jesus was trying to communicate....."I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance."

Jesus communicates this TRUTH in three different ways through "The Lost Sheep", "The Lost Coin" and "The Prodigal Son"....He wants these men to understand that it is BETTER to eat with "sinners" with HOPE of repentance.....than to never eat with them at all....He also wants His disciples to be able to follow His lead....He also wants the men He is eating with to see themselves in LIGHT of who He was and to lay it all down and seek after Him.....

His purposes in communicating TRUTH were broad and the depth unsearchable.....it wasn't merely to win a debate with the Pharisees.....it wasn't only to demonstrate discipleship....it wasn't even ONLY to see the sinner set free...it was ALL of those and much MORE...... to lay the foundation for His Kingdom......

My prayer is that by His GRACE I may receive and communicate TRUTH with this same desire.....not to just KNOW something or to simply EXPLAIN something.....but rather to just be a part of something that is drawing closer everyday ....and to desire above all else...that all those near and far from me are also, a part of that work.

And, THAT is the TRUTH!

Game Face On

First basketball game for our little 3yr old tomorrow....so we spent tonight watching high school basketball....as you can see"like father like son"....except shortly into the game we realized Asher cared just as much about tossing his gatorade bottle in the air and catching it to impress some girls as he did about the game.....

Here's to tomorrow....game faces on!!!!

Unshakeable

One of those weeks.....I just took a breath and looked upon ALL that transpired in the course of this week and all still to come and my head is spinning.  I couldn't accurately list the amount of events...big and small...that have whirled through in the course of 5 days (nothing like offering no specifics....but seriously don't know where to begin...the CRAZY thing is that none of them have to do with a BRAIN TUMOR).....you never feel like that do you?!!!

Sometimes I am burdened by things that are "busywork" those things that make me run around in circles until I sit down and realize I actually accomplished NOTHING....but I can honestly say there has not been one single thing I have done or received this week that has been meaningless....everywhere I turned I was either sowing seeds or someone was sowing into me...when I say "Sowing"...I mean "investing"....when I say "seeds"...I mean "thoughts, words, deeds" ..Kingdom of God ...Here on Earth.....

"Therefore since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is consuming fire." -Hebrews 12:28


When something consumes you...it takes over and as it takes over....you begin to see that it is MOVING you....what once felt like weakness now becomes strengthened...what once seemed impossible is now   completely within grasp.....the world gets bigger and smaller within the same glimpse....and Hope in the unseen becomes more REAL than anything you can touch which is in fact truly fading.........

May my hands continue to be OPEN to receive the kingdom which cannot be shaken....as I offer my life as service....in reverence and awe of all that is here and all that is yet to come....

Three Frogs Guided By the Lord Towards the Goal

Our first annual "year in review-ornament selecting" has been revealed in all it's glory....

The rule was simple.... select ONE ornament that would serve as a way to remember 2012....

Three frogs on one lily pad, guided by the Lord, towards the goal.

Sounds pretty close to me.....

Affect the Space

One of the most profound things I heard this weekend at (http://www.dance-revolution.com)

was this......"Affect the Space".   

This is a picture of a beautiful, talented and gifted DISCIPLE.......CHOSEN to change the world by "affecting the space" around her one inch at a time.

Over a decade ago, God put a vision within the owner of the studio I teach for to build a studio....one that would be different than so many around it.....and she DID. 

 A family stepped into those doors and headed down a road of costumes and hairpieces and competitions and choreography....and something took root.

Lots of things would happen over the course of those years..... seeds sown from a grandmother, prayers and surrender of a mother, disappointments and accomplishments and difficult decisions of a daughter, check-writing of a father, support of a family....so that on THIS day....this daughter of the KING would be a part of something CHOSEN to change the world....to affect every space.....to bring the Kingdom of God to this earth.

In Acts 1:8 the last words that Jesus spoke to His disciples in that small room were these:

"...You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be my WITNESSES both in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth."

What Jesus is saying is ....stay right HERE......I will give you all the power that you need through my very BREATH to move you from the CENTER out toward the circumference.......so that with every step you take you will "affect the space" around you....as you WALK, you will bring MY message of reconciliation to every part of the earth....as you SPEAK, you will pierce through the darkness of the hearts of men and women and children....as you RAISE your hands to worship me, you will reflect my image.....as you GAZE upon ALL my creation you will KNOW that I am God and that my Kingdom is REDEEMING and RESTORING all that has been broken.

This POWER is not within only a FEW ....it is within EVERY believer....we have been GIVEN every single thing we need to affect every inch of space that is right in front of us.

Stay right where you are.....let Him draw NEAR to you.... that He may GIVE you His power...that we would each  be empowered to affect EVERY inch of space within us and around us.....

Tis' the Reason

May all the things that battle for our attention be drowned out....

May all of those blinded by the darkness see light....

May the rod of the oppressor be broken....

May those thoughts that burden us find a new home....

May our hearts know and respond within every moment....

That the answers that are larger than our questions take time.....

 "For unto us a child is born, a son is GIVEN, and the government shall be on His shoulder and His name shall be called WONDERFUL, COUNSELOR, THE MIGHTY GOD, THE EVERLASTING FATHER, THE PRINCE OF PEACE."

 HE has broken it ALL.  It ALL rests upon Him.

Tis' the reason....

 

The Knight Family nativity

All Things

I woke up to a very sick boy this morning.  But I realized as the day moved on that HIS promises are true.

 "He works ALL THINGS together for the good of those who love him.."

  He took Asher's tummy ache (and other stuff...) and turned it into a snuggle day with mommy.  One of those days when you realize you've been moving too fast....with too many things on the plate to balance....distractions all around and within .....and that staying in your PJs until the afternoon watching "Rudolph" is exactly what the "doctor" ordered.

And Asher is fine.  All virus symptoms were gone after his nap.  Imagine that.....

My view for most of the day

It's a Choice

Our dog escaped again.  The knock at the door indicated one of our neighbors would be bringing "Lily" back ....it happens two different ways, either the garage door remains open while a certain 3 year old rides his bike sometimes forgetting to shut the door OR she finds her little place under our newly rebeuilt gate....and the escape happens without knowledge.

As I opened the door, I could sense this would be the last time this neighbor would bring this dog back.  Her face indicated her stress.  I tried my best to explain the situation, but she just wouldn't hear it.  As she turned to leave, I knew I had to speak....."Are you ANGRY?....Please don't leave ANGRY"  Yep.  I said that.  I spoke right to the center. 

She spoke quickly and without room for dialogue..."I AM ANGRY.  My dog was run over by a car.....yours was almost hit....and this is the last time I will bring her back to your house." 

I politely offered my apologies for her loss and acknowledged how personal this must be for her.  I thanked her again and again and pleaded with her to not leave.....stressing the value I place on living in PEACE with my neighbors....I stressed how we would be so much more AWARE and that we would TRY so hard not to let the escapes go unnoticed.....

Neighbor: "I CAN LEAVE HERE ANGRY IF I WANT TO..."

That's right sister, you can.

I wanted to plead with her more...list out the reasons again...sorry we have a 3 year old who sometimes forgets to close the door, sorry we didn't spend $10, 000 on a better fence, sorry we didn't find her before you did.....SORRY....but this wasn't a moment for more dialogue that would just fuel her anger..

I looked down at Asher...."...And that Asher is why LOVE and HATE are choices we make.  In every moment, we can choose LOVE and PEACE...or NOT."

I could have let the issue go untouched.  Let her leave with all her anger and me to speculate her motives and intentions.  But, I am content that I didn't.  I am grateful for the opportunity to let her ANGER go NOTICED.....now I know where she stands.  She may never like me or my family or my dog.....but we know how to love her, how to pray, how to handle all the pain that is inside her that manifests itself as ANGER towards others.

May she find PEACE. May she choose LOVE.  May she know the ONE who offers the GRACE to allow her that choice. 

"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God."
-2 Corinthians 5:20

Ever ancient, ever new

Late have I loved You
O beauty every ancient, ever new!
Late have I loved You
And behold,
You were within; and I without,
and without I sought You.
And deformed I ran after these forms
of beauty You have made.

You were with me
And I was not with You.
Those things held me back from You,
things whose only being
was to be in You.

You called; You cried;
and You broke through my deafness.
You flashed; You shone;
and you chased away my blindness.
You became fragrant;
and I inhaled and sighed for You.

I tasted
and now hunger and thirst
for You.

You touched me;
and I burned for Your embrace.

~St. Augustine

From his autobiography The Confessions written in the year 400....

 

I love how words from over 1000 years ago when connected to music from 2010 that my ear delights in....can draw me into the same presence that St. Augustine experienced the night he wrote.  HE is ever ancient, ever new....redeeming my every moment, filling in every space within, and moving me into that place that continues to hunger and thirst for more.

Whatever it takes within each day just draw me in closer.

Late Have I Loved You.

 

Life is Short, The Day is Long

Papa Terry made it to town!  Asher and Brody waited patiently at the restaurant, eyes fixed on the horizon until the rock star himself came breezing through the door.  They spent their first few hours cruising the neighborhood in the red wagon and the next few circling the carousel and drinking cherry limeades.

But, today we celebrated.....Papa's birthday! 

It was a humble party but there could not have been more excitement from two 3 year olds as they both sang loudly, blew out the candle fiercely and nestled their way onto his lap to help finish the remaining cake and ice cream.

I thought of the lyrics to this song as the night played on.....

Thankful tonight that my dad accepted the gift of GRACE so many years ago. 

That today those moments that killed his pride now fill his cup....that he knows and extends the wisdom that the TRUE gift is the knowledge and peace that comes from living a life that acknowledges that LIFE IS SHORT AS THE DAY IS LONG......

Cheers to the furrows on our brow
To each hard-won victory
Cheers to the losses that grew us up
Killed our pride, and filled our cup

Cheers to the friendships well worn in
That time nor distance alter
Here's to the sleepers we'll see again

Find company in memoria

Open your mouth and sing out your song

Life is short as the day is long

A Loud Legacy

The most beautiful moment of Thanksgiving was my grandmother swinging at the park....the clouds began to cover the sky and it felt as if it was about to downpour....but instead the sun came penetrating through that raincloud....right at it's center. 

 My grandma spoke loudly from within her swing, "That's grandpa saying hi to us."

My grandma has fewer and fewer words with ever passing day, so when she speaks we listen. 

I was so grateful for her perspective and her heart.

I paused in silence and remembered my grandpa....for the man that I remembered him as and for the longing that he could see these two tiny men growing into his footsteps.

Thankful for his legacy that has continued to live on so loudly within our family.

May we all live lives that leave a LOUD legacy in the hearts of those around us....

 

Creating Extra Time

TIME was the word of the day.  

I had a revelation of such a simple truth while we waited for Brandon today at the mall.  On any other day our trip to the mall would have been about my time schedule.  We have 30 minutes to play in the play area, a 15 minute lunch in the food court, a short ride on the carousel, and perhaps a visit to one of the stores I would want to purchase something and then ON TO THE NEXT THING.  But today was different.  I actually observed Asher and made a decision to let him guide the schedule.....we spent 30 minutes in Pottery Barn exploring and free playing, enjoyed a long snack laughing about the funny faces we could make after each bite, and a long time of observation of the ice rink where he was free to ask his string of questions.  I think Brandon and I do a really good job of giving Asher attention and meeting his needs and shepherding his emotions.  Today, though I realized that sometimes an extra five minutes to listen to this three-year old share his heart and ask his questions and use his imagination on his own TIME

 is far more important than any schedule I could create.

I realized the freedom we have as a family of three is truly a gift. 

 Our evening ended with a game of Memory....on most nights one or two games is plenty, but tonight there was freedom to play another game (and though mommy won all three games).....another five minutes of laughter, gasps, frustration, tears, and words of wisdom flowed throughout and we could all sense that five more minutes grew us closer, made us stronger, and set us free to love deeper.  

Thankful, today, for realizing that sacrificing extra moments of time produces more freedom in my relationships.

The Closest Thing

We've been immersed in this community of people for the last five years.  Represented in these pictures are The Beckmans, The Taylors, The Swindles, and The Daniels.  Each of these families is walking closely with our family through seasons of joy, mourning, questioning, revelation, awkwardness, and peace.  There are these really amazingly tough moments that we just get to be a part of...moments you could never create or write about...but that are just the reality of being part of a whole.  I'm not sure any of us truly understood what we were beginning five years ago and had we been given a glimpse..... chances are we wouldn't have had the courage to bare ourselves, sacrifice or engage.
I'm thankful today, that we still have moments when one of our houses is full of chatter....the kind of chatter that you know is building up instead of tearing down and guiding instead of creating confusion.....pushing each other forward into whatever season is next.....

Someone mentioned to me today to let them know how to overcome fear that keeps us from being totally surrendered..... the problem is FAITH is something you can't teach....you just have to experience.  It's the same with community....I could never TEACH you how to be a part of community....you just have to experience.  All I can say is ....it's good.  It's messy and takes grace and humility and deep compassion but it's good. 
It's the closest thing to heaven on earth that I've ever experienced.

Asher and Evie enamored by Dane's drum skills

Magic Treasure

Evie says GOOD NIGHT

Share the chair

The closest thing

Monumental Day

Today was a monumental day in The Knight Home....Today Asher begins his basketball career. Well, at least pre-season begins out back..That's right we signed his YMCA contract today ...8 weeks, 8 games and one proud daddy!!!!

It's just one of those days that a dad who played basketball can hope and dream that his son will love it all the same. But the TRUTH remains....whether Asher fulfills THOSE hopes and dreams pales in comparison to the hope we have....that this little boy will find his hope in the unseen...that ALL that he has been created to fulfill will be his reality everyday. Whether he plays basketball or serves the basketball team water .....our prayer is that he knows at a young age who created Him and that he is filled with an obedient love!

Hey, if that path involves KU college basketball...who are we to get in the way?!!!

Non-Fiction Love Song

I love this little song (cheesy as it is....I love it!).  I love thinking of Brandon when I listen to it.  I love thinking about us when we were dating.  I love to let the Lord take me back to those moments when we began to fall in love....

We were both so lost yet there were always these moments when we sensed that somewhere "out there"...there was some kind of plan and it involved the two of us together....most often it seemed impossible that we would ever spend our lives together....But while we were dating I held onto those moments.....knowing those impossible moments were where we would find truth.

"But I'll look back and laugh I'll bet
And tell you 'bout these days
Like they are stories of old
And I wish my voice would echo
Through galaxies and such
To scratch the surface of
Explaining to you just how much I'm glad
You don't have to try
You don't have to change
Baby you stay just the same"

 

 

Brandon, even at your roughest moments....I always knew we would "look back and laugh at those days like they were stories of old".....this is our non-fiction love song and I wish my voice were loud enough to echo as I shout ....to explain to you how much you don't have to try, change, or work any harder....just as you are....you are mine and I am yours.

Deep, Meaningful

 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."- I Peter 4:8

I am reflecting on today and realizing how THANKFUL I am that I am not even able to count the amount of deep, MEANINGFUL conversations that I have had today.  They've come in various mediums....face to face, passing through and stopping for a brief moment, email and text.....they have changed my mind, guided my actions, brought me to tears, exploded me in laughter, and increased my faith. All in the last 24 hours.

As I consider the blessing of each of these moments, I also give myself a moment to pause and consider those who perhaps haven't had one, single meaningful conversation today or this week, month, year or possibly ever.....

My prayer is that each day I could find myself more devoted to loving the people around me than the day before....may I honor them and offer my love and service and devotion in deep and meaningful ways.....not so that they may do so in return but so that we ALL may know and see and experience the Father, Son and Holy Spirit more deeply.....that we may love others more deeply.

We Don't Know...But We Know

If you have been walking in close proximity to our family in the past few weeks, you know there is this weird thing going on.....we feel very called to sell our house.  There really is no good earthly reason. We both love our jobs, church, friends, community.... It is just one of those "gut" things....the first question people ask us is ..."Well, where will you live?"...Our answer.  "We don't know." (maybe a van down by the river?)

You might ask, why? "We don't know." 
You might ask, when? "We don't know."

It really is that simple.  "We don't know."  We don't know why, where, when, how.  I honestly think we won't have any of those answers until we take that next step.  I liken it to a baby taking his first few steps....if we could only know the thoughts those babies have.  How will my feet actually hold me up?  Where will I go as I raise my foot to move forward?  When will I get wherever I am going only taking ONE step at a time?

That's where we are.  Knowing we trust the ONE who is calling us to take a step.  Knowing He guides and leads and directs each step.  Knowing His word lights our way.  Knowing His Spirit will move us forward when we want to stand still. Knowing Him... is all we need to take that step forward....it is on us to breathe in a breath of courage and breathe out a breath of fear and take a step.

I often let my mind go wild....dreaming up all of the purposes that He might fulfill through one act of obedience.  But the TRUTH is that they are mere dreams if there is no human responsibility of action. I remember Brandon laying in a hospital bed having to take deep breaths moment by moment to simply sit up and learn to walk again....while at the same time Asher was learning as a 10 month old to take his first STEPS ever....

These steps today are no different.  The GRACE we need today is exactly the same.

 We are the agents that He has created to demonstrate His power....may we embrace His grace that empowers us to yield our lives today.

The Gate is Open

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence...knowledge. and in your knowledge...self-control, and in your self-control....perseverance, and in your perseverance....godliness, and in your godliness...brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.
For if ALL these qualities are yours AND are INCREASING, they render neither useless nor unfruitful in TRUE knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
For he who LACKS these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having FORGOTTEN his purification from his former sins.

THEREFORE, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His CALLING and CHOOSING you; for as long as you practice these things you WILL NEVER STUMBLE;
for in this way the ENTRANCE into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be ABUNDANTLY SUPPLIED to you."
-2 Peter 1:5-11

 I pretty much fell in love with this passage tonight.  After, some study based on the narrow gate and wide gate.....life and destruction....false prophets and real....I began to find myself in a place where I was even questioning where I fit into these contrasts.  But after falling deeply into this passage......I rested.....knowing THE GATE IS OPEN. It is not a WIDE or BROAD gate. But it is OPEN.  To those who have rested upon the rock of who Christ is and are pursuing faith, moral excellence, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love.....it is OPEN.

Knowing that the initial pursuit is only the beginning.... that the ABUNDANCE comes as those things increase and surface and other things decrease and fade ....His promise is trustworthy.  Practice these THINGS and you will never STUMBLE.....I can walk today knowing that one day I will walk right through the ENTRANCE as if I had walked through that narrow, open gate..... many times before.....

House of Boys

Joy and laughter and excitement and LIFE filled our home this weekend as we spent our time with The Knight family....ALL BOYS! 

Yep....eating, sports, tooting, yelling and SMILES.....

There is a season for all things....grateful this weekend was full of the GRACE of family.

A Reminder

Last Christmas season I was invited to share some of my story with the women in our church at our annual Christmas brunch.....today I was prompted to go back and listen again....

I was reminded quickly of so many things but mostly that the God that I love and serve is always with me....no matter what the circumstance He stands....unsurprised, unshaken....completely in control....guiding and directing every step....with GRACE and MERCY and WISDOM.

I so thankful for the story He is writing with my life.....

Here is the link if you would like to hear more....if not ....just keep going!!!!


http://tinyurl.com/345kt6


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Mystery of the Exchange

"Yes, My love for you is of such nature and intensity that it would be IMPOSSIBLE for you to ever escape My thoughts, or for My longing for you to ever waver.

Cast aside your questionings

Fling aside your fears, 

For SURELY MY arms are already outstretched to receive you.

ONLY BELIEVE.

For in the moment you relinquish ALL-

in that same moment you shall know RELEASE.

For you shall be set free of yourself and 

shall be captive of MY love

My arms shall gather you and I shall never let you go!"

-Come Away Beloved

I love to HUG people.....seriously....I think there is nothing better than a good hug from someone.  I will hug people I barely know if they will let me.  I love to hug my dancers after class (even when they're sweaty).....I love to hug a friend who has just released a lot of baggage.....I love receiving a hug from my dad.....and I LOVE to hug MY BOYS!

The passage above seems to me....like the most ridiculous hug that anyone could ever give or receive......arms that have been extended since before creation....outstretched and ready to take captive those who are brave enough to make the exchange......the mystery and contagiousness of a hug is that it is an exchange....something is released while something else is given.....you can't see it or touch it .....it just happens.

I love a hug that lingers a little longer than intended....long enough for me to RELEASE what I was never intended to carry and RECEIVE what is continuously offered....

May we all search within the Grace of His arms today pursuing that embrace that captures us into eternity.....

Weight of Glory

I don't know about all of y'all but I am a sucker for a good commercial that catches me at the right moment.....

This is one of those commercials.

I love the story in this commercial....it made me think of my friend Courtney who, for a long time, was sole provider to her son with autism....it reminds me of my mom who loves my nephew and has cared for some of his deepest needs when no one else could....it reminds me of my friend Abbey who is about to embark upon parenthood as a foster parent.....and mostly it reminded me that there is no situation too massive that sacrificial, tear-filled, spontaneous and intentional LOVE.... cannot conquer and overcome.....

Thankful today for difficult moments in my life that create tension that screams out that ALL of this in the most difficult and most glorious moments falls painfully short of the eternal weight of glory that will one day be revealed....

P.S. I hope Mass Mutual appreciates my plug!

A Weak Moment

I had a weak moment today.....when I questioned whether I would even take the time tomorrow to vote.  Does my vote matter? Do I know the issues well enough to even make an informed decision? I really don't want to think about ALL the money that was "used" for the side that ends up losing......

I think I'm stuck somewhere between idealism and realism.....desiring and imagining and knowing how things could and will be....yet fully aware of how things are currently.  I know there is a way to get from HERE to THERE......it just sometimes seems like a LOT of work.......

I did reflect today on a term I kept hearing over and over today and that is "your right to vote".  As I've reflected the biggest realization I've had is that when people decide NOT to vote and the overall turnout declines.....then it is possible that the overwhelming majority could quite possibly become pictured as "less of a majority".....

My prayer is that people (like myself) who are feeling apathetic to the situation would turn their face towards their CREATOR and allow Him to remind them of exactly what FREEDOM looks like.....national freedom, political freedom and individual freedom......one day there will be no majority.....only unity.....where voting for the "lesser of two evils" is not the only choice.....that there truly is ONE who will govern in perfect TRUTH and JUSTICE demonstrated by His outpouring of love for His people and that in those moments that entitlement will be replaced with HONOR.....I pray that whoever is elected tomorrow would be filled instantly with a GLIMPSE of that glorious day and work everyday moving towards that country.....

May this weak moment find strength in the knowledge that the HOPE for the future is found ONLY within the grasp of His LOVE......